Discovery Home & Health

I am in desparate need of help and advice.

My son is 6, nearly 7 and today I have found a pair of girls knickers under his bed. (It's only me and him that live in our house, I have no daughters or nieces etc).

After a lot of coaxing I managed to get out of his that he took them from lost property at school and wears them sometimes in his room.

When he was 3 or 4 I went into his room and he had a pair of mine on, I took them back from him and told him it was wrong and I thought the 'problem' went away then a couple of years ago I found a stash of about 4 or 5 pairs og girls knickers in his room. He'd taken them from my childminders house (she has 3 daughters). I threw them away and didn't really speak to him about it.

I don't think he's gay, he's a real boy's boy and is definitely interested in girls but I just cannot think why he wears girls underwear. He felt very guilty and said he didn't want to tell me in case I thought he was an idiot bless him. I just need a bit of guidance as to whether this is normal and if he will grow out of it..he doesn't seem to have so far :-S

What do I do?????

Any thoughts, comments or advie would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
x

Hi,
I have no sons, I have 3 daughters. But as a mother I would be concerned with that behaviour, especially as it started so young and is still happening. In a way I hope you don't mind me saying, but telling him it is wrong (thats not to say to tell him its ok either), may forse him to hide it from you even further, you need to be able for him to talk to you about why he does it, something has had to trigger the behaviour.
I suggest ask your GP or health visitor about it (without your son being their) he/she may be able to put you in touch with someone who can talk to him about it, sometimes an outsider can get further with the child than the parent.
But maybe he will grow out of it, but if he doesn't you need to know why and how he is feeling about doing this. He will need to know that you support him and not angry and upset with him (even though you may be angry and upset). Its a very sensitive problem for both of you, and only being open and calm with each other is going to help sort it out. But don't ignore it as it may not go away without help.
Hope I have helped in some way.
Kindest Regards
Jules

Hi Jules,

Thanks for your reply. It is a big concern for myself and by partner.

When I found them (the knickers) the other day, I spoke to my son very calmly and he spoke back calmly but he was very embarrassed (obviously), I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know (I still need to continue talking to him) I think I will have to speak to a professional about it as it is very strange and I can only get so much out of him, though I am scared that by him speaking to a professional at some point he will know I broke his promise about telling anyone (this includes my boyfriend) I don't want him to think he can't trust me.

I really have no idea why he does it... :-S I've looked on the net but only pervy things come up. Other than this he is a normal boy who is always very happy and singing, he does well in school and is just like a normal little boy. He is (so far) an only child, I am out at work all day everyday and I have been since he was 6 weeks old, he spends his days at school and before and after at the kids club at the school. His real father has been around at all ever. Though I was with someone from when my son was 3 months old until he was 5. He was an abusive and violent man and my son had to see a child pyscho-therapist after myself and my ex split up. So I wonder if it all stems from then as my son started this when I moved in with my ex (my son was 2 1/2 at the time of moving in).

Also but very rarely my son smears his faeces on the bathroom walls, again this started about the same age as the knickers thing, 3 1/2 yrs. I read on the net that young children can do this to vent anger but in older children it could possibly relate to them being abused. I love my son dearly and have never ever touched him, but have become rather guilty about the whole situation as I have left him everyday since he was a baby...I don't know really, am sitting here shaking my head at it all. Both my boyfriend and I have spoken to him a lot about the faeces on wall situation and asked him if anyone has ever touched him and that kind of thing and he says 'Err No!!' we know him and know he was telling the truth but he did cry a lot about a boy who used to bully him at his last school.

We have a stable and loving home and he and my boyfriend absolutely dote on each other, they have a great relationship which is better than I could hope for. We know things between us are for life, as does 'our' son but we are concerned with things going on..

Thanks
Sacha