Discovery Home & Health

My DS2 has ADHD and was finally diagnosed last august, he is currently on medication which seems to be making his school life a lot better, at home though he is a nightmare. He shouts and screams, never does anything he is told and does things that are just out of order. He is currently playing football in the living room with a full size leather football, which I know I can not go and stop until he gets bored as it will just blow up into caos. the thing that is bothering me is that DS3 is learning off him and I don't know how to stop it without wold war 3 breaking out.

I was wondering if any other mums here have any experiance of ADHD as I get mixed help from freinds and family well family realy as friends dont come round anymore because of him. Some people think it is a disapline thing but it has been proven that it is actually a malfunction in the frontal loab of the brain that controls the self control which means he has no fear so only by the grace of god he hasn't had any major injories as yet.
I have been told that I should only punish the big behaviour no-nos and ignore the rest but how do you do that with other kids and how do you know where the line between big and not is?

My friends son has this and she has been told that the only way to try and curb his behaviour is to be really strict, give him very specific guidlines on what is or is not acceptable, to have a strict timetable so that he knows what to expect and when. I can only say what she does as i do not have any personal experience. Obviously i do not know you or your son, but surely if you are showing that you are strict with him then the other gets the same message. I know it sounds all so easy written down and is a totally different thing when facing this in person. By being strict i am not suggesting you make a big deal out of things that are quite small. I hope i explained that ok and i havent offended in anyway. As for playing football indoors, would you let your other son do that? I understand it is a difficult condition to deal with, but should he be allowed to get away with it just because you do not want to deal with a tantrum or whatever he does. Again, i dont mean to offend or teach you how to deal with your son and do hope you havent taken it that way. I do wish you well, i am sure it is a very stressful thing to deal with.

I dont have any personal experience of ADHD but my mum does. She is a special needs teacher in a mainstream school and has dealt with loads of kids with ADHD and various other problems.

She said the most important thing is that he has a consistent structure to his day. Avoiding change and having a timetable that he can follow just like at school should help. Maybe having it written and stuck to the fridge door so he can see it? Also set a timer between 1 activity and the next so he knows that when the timer goes off its time to put away whatever he was playing with and move on to the next thing.

Like oldmummy says, its all very well and good on paper but the reality must be much harder. I hope you fond a way to deal with it that works for all the family without world war 3 breaking out!

Good luck.xxx

Hi,

thanks for your replys.

We do have clear boundries and a set routine but if he doesn't want to do it he isn't going to and same if he wants to do something. It just gets to me sometimes as DH has only in the last few weeks realised that I am not exagerating about it, it took him 25 mins to get connor from the car to his school doors this morning.
When I say he has a tantrum that is a bit of an understatement, he hits, kicks, bites pinchs and throws things and he is strong so maybe for my ownsake I try and avoid them.
I had a good talk with DH today and told him how I felt, totaly overwhelmed, and I got in touch with the consultant who has put me in touch with a support group which I am going to start going to. If anything it will give me someone to talk to who knows how I feel.
Jayjay

That sounds like a fantastic idea, talking to other people going thru the same things and sharing ideas. I am really sorry i wasnt able to help you at all, it must be really tough on you all, but i am sure there are the good and loving bits too. You sound like a fab mum and i take my hat off to you.

Thanks OM

You are right one of the great things about connor is that can be so loving and he is so clever it defies belief sometimes, he corrects the teacher in maths.
I think it will be good for me to go to this support group they have even said that due to having a 'special' child I can have some treatment done for free, they have a beautition there who does massage, manicures and stuff like that, they also have days out for the kids to the likes of alton towers and such.

Hi,
I have first hand experience of all you describe, my son used to spit as well as the full blown kick, punch, generally throw yourself about, headbut floor type behaviour!!

To cut it very short, DS 7, diognosed adhd at 5, after me REALLY pushing it with the consultant, they tried telling me he was just a 'spirited' child and it was my ability to cope not him!!!
It was his progress at school made me push for help as he was behind so much and clearly something was up!
He is now medicated, which makes a huge difference.
Firstly i would love to be in touch and advise and support where i can, I have 4 children in all, and Sophie is just 8 weeks old so a bit hectic so not always about every day but willing to help where i can.

I will pm you with my email so if you want to contact me you can.

There is an organisation called BIBIC based in Bridgwater Somerset, they are fantastic at understanding this and helped hugely.
They are not about diognosis but a holistic method of helping your child, who remember sees the world very differently to you or your other child!
They create a program including diet, routine, exersises etc and it all helps.
I will email u 2day or tomorrow but look up bibic if they sound like they can help.
There is a book by Dr Christopher Green called Understanding ADHD, which is brilliant, well worth getting it helped me soooooo much!!

Do not despair, help is there!!

Pinky xx

Hi Pinky

I have read that book and I agree it is great, I have recomended it to a few people I know. I love the bit were he describes ADHD as being like a TV that the signal is a bit off and changing channels.

I have 3 boys and I think DS1 has ADHD as well but he is past the point of help for it, he currently lives with his father as he was out of control, I did try and get him assesed but he refused and being 15 and 5'11" there was no forcing him.

Connor does a lot of sport, 4 times a week he eats quite well and does have a routine as much as we can.

Connor was refered by our GP when he was 4 1/2 and we only got diagnosed in aug so I know what you mean about it taking time and having to push the docs.

Do you know you can get DLA (disability living allowance) for you LO? We have a dedicated ADHD nurse who told me about it. Then again I have only seen her once.

How does your son get on with his school friends? Connor has real problems with other children as because it took him so long to be assesed the other kids know how he reacts to certain thing and a few of them wind him up on purpose to watch him 'blow'

It's nice to hear from someone who know what it is like.

Jayjay xx

HI,

I don't have any experience of ADHD as such but my son is 4 and has a diagnosis of autism, which throws up many of the same sorts of problems as you are describing, no sense of fear, he will run into the road and into the path of a car given a chance or things like that so going out and about with him can be a nighmare. We have become immune to the stares of other people when he loses it when we are out, right now he is small enough all 17 1/2 kg mind you to pick up and carry when he drops to the floor and refuses to go any further and it usually means a lot of screams and shouts. Head banging you name it we have faced at some time.

It is really tiring and we feel very alone at times, especially when all his peer group are on the whole sweet normal children who talk (son is non verbal and still in nappies etc) and behave nicely. Luckily he is in pre school with support of a one to one worker and he has a full statement of special needs so will go into school with a full time support worker beside him at all times as well as a meal time assistant, oh and he gets DLA care component right now, he will be eligible for mobility component when he is five because of his need to be constantly watched as he cannot speak and has no understanding of danger etc, and he is what is called a runner, if you let him go in open spaces he just legs it as fast as he can go!! I can tell you my dh and I have developed very quick reaction times and are a lot fitter than we used to be.

He is a lovely little boy though which makes it all so worth while, we are getting so many more good days nowadays, and he appears incredibly bright - I know all parents think their children are bright but ds is already trying to do key stage maths etc for 6 year olds on his computer on the internet using the bbc.co.uk website and can do more that we can with it at times, I have to watch my ebay account!! buy it now is too easy for little fingers lol.

For us we attended a course for parents of pre school autistics called the early bird course, on it they taught us to ignore the bad behaviour as much as possible and concentrate on praising the good. Another thing that autistics find hard is understanding what is said to them so we again learned to reduce our language to simple commands and wait for his response if any, as he has a latency of up to 5 minutes when he responds, ie to wave bye bye etc.

I could go on forever but it sounds as though some of the features of both conditions do overlap.

Good luck!!

jayjay

My DS is not ADHD but when I was still working as a teacher I taught many children with it and I have to echo alot of what the others have said - the reason he copes better at school is due to the timetabling and consistency. It is difficult to implement at home I know, but it would be well worth giving it a go...try sticking a rough timetable on the fridge or somewhere you can see it easily like a kitchen cupboard. Outline the major parts of the day like getting up, breakfast, leaving for school, getting home, having tea bedtime etc. Make different ones for term time and holidays and weekends. Make space for each member of the family - sounds ridiculous but if you've ever seen Supernanny you'll get the idea I'm trying to describe! As you already know children with ADHD are so unpredictable and they have problems processing thingas that are unpredictable too so as much as you can plan out his days so they kind of follow a basic pattern the easier it will be for his coping mechanism to kick in. Do you have a choice about when he can take his medication ie am or pm etc and does it make a difference to his behaviour just after taking it? I taught one boy who took his medication at break time - up until break he was a handful and hard work but after break he was so much calmer...what I'm wondering is could he take his medication at a time when you will reap more benefit at home? School can cope better as there are so many more adults around to work with him and they are trained and paid to deal with him - you deserve some of the nice behaviour school seems to get from him so perhaps this is something to consider?....

I'm not an expert and I may be talking cr*p - but in your shoes this is the road I think i'd try next - it'll seem wierd writing out a routine but it will be worth it if it changes his behaviour just a little bit. It'll take time tho so get as much support as you can - really good idea to join the support group - they will understand far better than anyone else can. Best of luck hun xxxx

Hi,

Everhopefull we do have a routine writen down and stuck on the wall in his bedroom and in the kitchen. As for the medication I have been told he can only take it first thing in the morning as it has effects for 8 hours. I have watched every supernanny and supernanny usa.

Crumble there are many overlaps with ADHD and autisum and my DS is a runner too. We also have to give simple instructions and use face to face contact. DS is amazing when it comes to using the computer, he uses a website called sam learning which is great as it is connected to school and his teachers can see how he doing on it. DS was supposed to be getting a support worker but that does not seem to materialised and his teacher is far too laid back about his condition as all she says is "well he is so much better than he was when he started school" it drives me mad.

Jayjay

Have a few minutes before ds has his bath, do you think you might be able to get your son statemented? a statement of special needs would provide funding for a one to one worker for at least a few hours at school? I am not sure how one goes about getting one, for us it was automatic as ds is attending a special needs school for pre schoolers and statementing is automatic so we didn't need to apply.

A couple of thoughts which I am sure have been mentioned to you before but I will mention here in case.

Fish oils are supposed to calm children with autism and adhd. We have given them to our son for the last couple of years, also a couple of cups of magnessium (epsom salts) in the bath water ditto.

Diet, gluten/casein free and avoiding sugar and addtitives etc. This I bet you will have already thought about as it is the thing most people suggest.

I have not heard of Sam learning I'll look it up.

Isn't ADHD on the autistic spectrum? My cousins have dsyspraxia and dsylexia and those both are. The cousin (he's about 19 years old) with dyslexia was given funding for a computer when he started university as he finds writing very slow and difficult and is allowed extra time in exams and things like that.

Gotta go, chaos reigns

hi there...
i was a senco (special needs co-ordinator) at my school before having my daughter and was involved in applying for statements etc...
...if you think your child needs one ..you need to speak to the SENCO at the school and the headteacher! (probably best to go via class teacher)...that shoulkd get ball rolling..


word of warning tho - they are getti harder and harder to get and if school feel they can cope and he has a teaching assistant already in place - it maybe that he will not get one. It has to go to a panel at the lea and takes a long time to get agreed.
hope that is helpful x

Hi

DS's SENCO is his headteacher and as I said before his class teacher is usless. His head applyed to the lea in september for the funding but they do already have 2 teaching assistants in his class so I can't see they will get it.

Crumble DS has been dairy intolerant since birth so he already has a casein free diet nad fish oils were of no use what so ever. I have not heard about epsom salts though might give that a go.

Adhd, dsyspraxia, dyslexia and asbergers (spelling) are all on the autisum spectrum.

Got to go tea time.

Jayjay

HI Again,

Yes i knew about dla, i looked into it when bibic reccomended vitamins and minerals for my son and i could not afford as a single mother of 3 at the time, i claimed and it helped a great deal.

The classroom type routine works well, having little picture of tasks, grouping them to 3 daily goals, and to mark the goals we made a laminated pic of a goal post and some little laminated footballs, my son when he had say brushed teeth, got dressed and had breakfast i then give him a football and he puts it in the goal, shouting 'goal' we all made a big fuss and this made a huge difference in getting him to do things and is very much how school dealt with the class in year 1.

The diet ds was on was called the Feingold diet, it was created by a doctor Ben Feingold and really should be looked into as it hard to explain, he basically beleives certain foods contain a product which inhibits the absorbtion of certain vitamins and minerals that are essential to childern and have certain side effects to children with certain conditions, such as adhd.
I was amazed that even apples and natural foods contain these things, the diet did make a huge difference, i was giving him natural foods assuming they could be ok, but they sent him hyper and this seemed to be the reason why.
Organic is best and the vitamin and mineral supplement, health food shops do child friendly multi vit chews, calcium and omega chews.

In a huge rush today but will get back on and explain a bit more about this is anyone wants to know! I am sure it will be found on the web, and as i say BIBIC were the ones who reccomended it as part of our plan.

Baby calls so must dash,

Take care all,

Pinky xx