It makes perfect sense and i thought that you represented yourself very well with those strange ladies on the Sun site. They really made me chuckle about the 1:1 time and how children don't get that at nursery. Maddie doesn't get that from me and she's my only child! She has a lovely time rolling around the floor playing with her toys and anything inappropriate (found her with a bit of tinsel today - where did she find that from?!). I don't interact with her all day, we have cuddles and play or look at books but she spends a fair amount of time playing on her own!
Posts: 1177 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 14 November 2005
07/01/2008 14:03:12 Re:WORKING WOMEN: Are They Bad Mothers? Why should a woman choose between having a career and having children? BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUR CHILDREN FFS THEY DIDNT ASK TO BE BORN. Here comes the onslaught again i dont care, my baby has had a severe chest infection since boxing day and i have been with her 24/7 all she has wanted is mummy, i couldnt have done that if i worked cos what company is gonna let me have all that time off? And for those that say their child is at nursery/childminders i really honestly dont want you to feel bad because parents dont have a clue what some of these places are like but i worked in several over 6yrs n trust me i would never send my child to one. DONT trust ofsted reports, or NN's/managers with fake smiles on their faces. Even the most dedicated nusery nurses like i was have paperwork to do half the day. Oh but they stop when your about to walk in. And i know what the real world is like i grew up in a council house my (single) mother had nothing, but we went to the park, played games on the field near our house, or swings in or garden. We went on hol to flamingo land n stayed in a caravan. All i have is tons and tons of happy memories. My boyfriends mum worked 2 jobs he went to a childminder, his (single) mum took him abroad every year n he wanted for nothing. He has loads of happy memories - with the childminder that is. And whos the one closer to their mum? One guess. Im not judging anyone cos i have met loads of lovely working mums n iv not met any of you but in all honesty it seems like you're excusing working by saying they have a whale of a time at the nursery n are well looked after - how do you know? And they're so forward/confident cos they go to nursery. Well so's mine and shes at home that means nothing cos like i said before children under the age of 18months do not interact socially with other kids they benifit from one to one attention more. Working is not the be all and end all. Isnt experiencing life more important? I know we have to work im not saying we should all become hippies lol. But i tell my daughter everyday she can do anything she puts her mind to and i'll tell her that till she leaves education - whether it to be a lawyer, or to work in tesco's, as long she is happy thats all that matters isnt it. Not all these surgeons n lawyers had working mothers, or there wouldnt of been any til 50yr ago, cos b4 then all mums stayed at home! Besides you can still take a few yrs out and go back to your career and if you can and you dont, then you are choosing your career over your child. If you cant, then you already have chosen your career. As for the mums that say you have to work to be able to afford to live, i cant comment on that cos i did feel i was lucky enough to be able to stay at home n we could afford it, but then my fiance said with the tax credits ppl get there is no way ppl would not be able to afford anything today, and i know if i did go back to work i would basically be paying for someone else to look after them. But if you say you wouldnt be able to live you would have to explain that cos according to him (he knows all the ins and outs of tax credits etc) ppl could manage.
Posts: 637 | Location: London, UK | Registered: 31 August 2006
Stop reading it Em, you're never going to win that debate! We know that we are doing the right things for our families and, unlike that lady, i don't judge anyone for choosing a different path to me.
There is so much i could say but i won't!!!
Deep breath...............
Posts: 1177 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 14 November 2005
Em, forget it, she has no idea what she is talking about!! If she and her kids are happy doing what she is doing then great, but what she must remember is that our kids will be just as happy and healthy!!
She has also back tracked on herself, as if you read another page she talks about 1:1 and adult interaction, if she really didnt need it then she wouldnt have joined a chat forum would she, and she cant say she only posted at night when her kids were in bed cos majority of her posts are during the friggin day!!
xx
Posts: 944 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 06 April 2006
flippin eck...this lass obviously isnt very bright is she?? she cant even make a decent argument.... i wouldnt worry too much about her...there will alwasy be people out there who cannot see reason....
it did make me chuckle tho' when i read about flamingo land!!! (NICE!!!!)LOL
xxx
Posts: 464 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 02 January 2006
I read that bit - too funny! Actually he doesn't know his sh!t anyway. I only qualify for about £10 a month because it's worked out on the last financial year.
Bless her, nothing better to do obviously
Posts: 1177 | Location: United Kingdom | Registered: 14 November 2005
OMG Em I read your post and thought it was you ranting.... oops sorry. So now I've peeled myself off the ceiling and realised that it wasn't you at all!!!
Anyway i agree with Noo about tax credits. What a load of sh*t. The tax credit system doesn't take account of people living in London who might have slightly higher wages but who have a WAY higher cost of living (especially mortgages!!!!) - maybe it's good for you if you earn a lot of money living near Flamingoland, but it's pretty crap if you live in the outskirts of London, have to fork out a fortune for commuting, and have a mortgage which would buy you a small castle with some land in Scotland!!!! Oh and having a garden big enough for swings would be nice too.
Anyway I am so going to investigate this Sun thread now.... fancy a giggle!!
Have had a quick look! What a load of sh*te. Anyway, Em, would you be brave enough to post a comment for me??
Could you ask all these lovely stay at home mums who think that all we should do is devote all our time to our children...WHY ARE YOU CHATTING AWAY TO EACH OTHER ON A CHATROOM ALL DAY INSTEAD OF LOOKING AFTER YOUR CHILDREN???
At least I log on here when I'm at work, so am not having to divide my time between chatting to you lot and looking after my DD!!!!
Hope you don't mind me crashing in on your thread, I am from the pregnancy forum Just wanted to say I am a mum of 2ds and 1 dd, I have always worked part-time and feel no regret at doing so. My reasons are partly financial and also for the social interaction. More importantly, I just wanted to say that at no time have I felt that the my much loved and wanted children suffered. It is hard work juggling my job around my dh job and there are times when we are both shattered but no more than any other parent. My children are polite and considerate, doing very well at school and do not miss out on anything socially because of work commitments, I just always have to plan ahead (what parent doesn't) I always think my children appreciate what they have because they understand that that money and daddy have to work hard for it. In a world that is becoming increasingly more expensive to live in, is it not better for them to understand from a younger age that sometimes in life you have to work to stop them getting into to debt when there older all because they think "money grows on trees" However, if you can afford to not have to work, then fair enough, thats fine too Just my personal opinion and I hope not too offend anyone Heidi
p.s trying to conceive at the mo , and planning to return to work after maternity leave
More the merrier on here. It's a sore subject for some of us. I tell you, my future lies in public debate
It's getting rather amusing on there... YummyMummy's been tormented by Annoyedmother who's basically said what we all feel.
There's only 2 idiotic women making rude comments about working mums; YummyMummy and Pheobe. The rest of them are fairly ameniable.
At the end of the day it's all about personal choice. No one's wrong if they want to be a SAHM, OR go to work. You get bad parents from both of these groups. As I've said it's not about QUANTITY of parenting, it's about QUALITY!
Some people are just too thick to see that. I blame the parents!!!!!!!!
xxx
Posts: 637 | Location: London, UK | Registered: 31 August 2006
Loocy - had to echo your thoughts on the crappy tax credits thing! It pays no attention to where you live and how that affects your outgoings - I know of someone who is in a council house (bigger than my house!) and pays only £300 per month rent - she gets full whack tax credits cos her hubby works lower hours than average cos his attitude it why should he work harder to lose tax credits! I WISH I could get a massive house for £300 a month but thats never going to happen so why should I only get the basic tax credits because my DP works 50 hour weeks and I work my ass off being a childminder?!!
I live in the south west - fast becoming the most expensive place in britain to live and it also currently has one of the lowest average incomes...its well documented that familes living in the south west are penalised by shocking house prices and crap wages - I totally agree with what you've been saying about tax credits - its not exactly the "means tested" benefit it makes out to be!
I have had to stay off that Sun debate - I'm just getting too cross about it! Wonder if her fiance really is that clever? Doubt it...
Me 31 DP 25 DS1 - 5 DS2 - Born 22.5.08
Posts: 752 | Location: Somerset | Registered: 04 July 2007
I've had to leave the Sun lot to it. Honestly they are as thick as two short planks - the lot of them. I fear for their children.
In my defence I was feeling a bit like I had cotton wool between my ears since being off with DS for 9 months. Jeremy Kyle had rotted my brain! Anyway, onwards and upwards.
As I've now been back at work for a month I'm a bit more coherant and can have more in depth discussions without forgetting big words like 'at'...
My next topic in the working mother debate is; SMP - are you nothing more than a benefit scrounger for claiming it? NOT my words, the words of another thread I've found elsewhere. Of course I know what I think of the person who suggested it....*growls* I am truly shocked to see how much venom there is for the working mother out there....
And just in case you were wondering, yes I have burnt all my bras!
x
Posts: 637 | Location: London, UK | Registered: 31 August 2006
You do make me laugh! I am eligible for Maternity Allowence which really is a scroungers benefit as it comes from the jobcentre plus! And yes I will be taking every penny I am allowed to because I feel I have worked bloody hard for that money - I have been self-employed for the past 2 years, have paid my full National Insurance contributions for the whole of that time and before that when I was teaching a HUGE amount of my income went to HM revenue and Customs so why shouldn't I have it? I don't consider it scrounging in the slightest and I intend to take the full 39 weeks off. Why wouldn't I?
Whoever said it was a scrounge is obviously some sad old bint who has more money than brains (oh and there are so many of those in the SAHM brigade!!). Just so I don't come across as a militant working mum - I am actually considering not returning to work after my Mat leave runs out because I will never be able to find childcare locally for 2 kids at the hours I'd need for teaching (early start you see) and childminding isn't so lucrative when your key space ratios (ie under 1's and under 5's) are taken up by your own children. I'm going to be restricted til this baby is 12 months old - so I may (although not definately!) stay home for the next 18 months....we'll see.
But my feeling is this - whether I choose to work or stay home - its MY decision and noone elses. And I certainly wouldn't judge someone who is working if they are also being a good parent. Why would I? Those of us who work hard and still have well adjusted happy children should be branded as Superwoman - not She devil. This is why I read the Guardian or The Independent not the bloody Sun!!! (although embarrassingly DP reads the OO AAh Daily Star!! ...bless him!)
Me 31 DP 25 DS1 - 5 DS2 - Born 22.5.08
Posts: 752 | Location: Somerset | Registered: 04 July 2007
Oooo don't let me hear you say MA is a scroungers benefit! Hehehe. I got that when I was off with my DD, but only because I was sacked for being pregnant (there's a whole can of worms not worth opening!). My personal belief is that if you have worked for it then you're blinkingwell entitled to it.
Unlike other 'benefits' such as JSA, Incapacity, Income Support etc. you can only receive it for a finite time so I don't see why people are complaining a woman gets SOME of her NI contributions back for a paultry 39 weeks.
The woman that said it (shockingly women are the most spiteful about this whole subject I've found) also said that she thought that tax credits and maternity pay were 'money for nothing'. Funnily enough she still claims her tax credits though. Hypocrite!
I'm with you, do whatever's best for your family and don't complain about others who do it differently...
Posts: 637 | Location: London, UK | Registered: 31 August 2006
...bless him!)
