Discovery Home & Health

Ladies,

I've been involved in a discussion on another website; http://www.thesun.co.uk/discussions/posts/list/WORKING_...thers~63~-48173.page

Yes I know it's the Sun...haha but honestly a couple of the women on there are so rude about working Mums. Unnecessarily so in fact. One of them's just said that all children under 3 are egocentric (basically selfish little irks), and nursery is of no benefit to them! How bad and untrue is that!?

Anyhow, I'm calling for backup from other working mum's here. Get on there and have a look.

Out of interest, what are people's opinions of working mum's? I do it out of necessity - we've bills to pay; but admittedly for the adult interaction too. Hands up all those that forgot big words like 'microwave' when you had your baby....

It has got me a bit het up....I only went back to work this week and I felt terrible for leaving my baby but great to be back doing something other than watching Iggle Piggle and doing the school run. Is that a crime?!

Emma xxx

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EmmaLou,

hey, i totally aree with u on the working mom front all mums would love t stay at home with there kids whilst there young but we cant, we cant afford to stay home all day and live the life of luxery i have been a working mum with bailey but had to quit due to his ill health and so wish i could be back at work i love spending time with my baby but i also love spending time away from him too not only do i miss work on the break front but we are totally skint only just making ends meet we dont some months

its so hard to be a working mum its alot harder thans taying at home all day cos all the jobs u would do during the day u have to do on a night all the washing cleaning etc its a really hard job

people who go on about working mums wanna try and do it its hard work

Hi Emma, ooohh will go over there and see whats going on. From my personal experience I really didn't want to return to work as I so enjoyed my life at home looking after Ellie, cleaning, cooking, ironing! However, we were doubling our mortgage and paying for a wedding so I didn't have much choice and it was such a drama for me.
Anyway, after a week or so I found that actually it wasn't so bad. I only work 3 days per week and I never get that Sunday feeling now of oh god its work tomorrow cos I actually enjoy going to work for a break as stupid as it sounds!

It is so not a crime to be going back to work. I just see it as I can provide nice things for Ellie as my wage is just for grocery shopping & spending (Davids is for bills).

Right im off over there to see whats going on!

Emma, I have just posted but nothings come up? Some people are so bloody ignorant to other situations other than there own aren't they. God I could go to town on them haha!

Yay Kia and Vicky! Glad I'm not alone in my crusade

I think some of them must be purely there to sh*t stir if I'm honest. Took a mo for some of my posts to appear, I am sure it will.

It's interesting to see other people's opinions though, even if I don't agree with them! My Ellie certainly wasn't egocentric, ever. She may have been a little moo at times (as are all kids up to the age of 19!) but she was just a growing child that needed guidance. Cheeky moo!

I really can't be doing with over opinionated people (not sure if thats the right word or if it even exists!). Im telling you something if they want a battle they can bloody well have one!!!!
They can not see the bigger picture here where as I noticed you had seen both sides same as how I can but they can't seem to!

Yeah I know what you mean Vicky, I am all for a well balanced debate but a couple of them are quite bigoted in their views. They initially started off saying it was only the mums who chose to work but didn't need to they were having a pop at, now it's just everyone. Can't be having that!

The thing is I could go on there and say I know people who are lazy and just want to sponge off the state etc etc but I know that that is not true in every case.

It makes me feel like doing that though haha!!!!

Im off but will check in tomorrow and see if anyones said anything else!

hey, i know exactly where ur going girls, most people only work cos they need too, some mums work for indapendance and a break instead of needing it but i dnt see a problem with that either

bailey loved going to nursery it was great for his development and he was great with the other kids now noone can say that kids learning to share and learning how to behave around other people and children is wrong, its so hard toleave ur kids at first but as soon as i saw bailey enjoyed what he was doing there and most nurseries/childminders do things that maybe u wouldnt get the chance to do at home i.e painting sand/water play etc,

i am highly opinionated on this too but i can vouch for both sides

sorry will get down off my horse pmsl

This is a tricky one for me as I have lost so many nights of sleep over this. Thing is when my DS was born I had to return to work very soon after because I hadn't been teaching long enough to get the extended maternity on offer - so I ended up having to return in the September and he was born in the March - so bless him was only 5 months old. I have to be honest that I struggled being a teacher and a mum and my school refused my request to go part time (I'm secondary trained so its harder to get job shares and stuff especially as I teach a shortage subject) and by the time he was 2.5 I decided I had to quit. I became a childminder and for the past 2 years I have seen some really different family scenarios.

With working mums I think its essential to get some sort of balance. I have seen children in my care who are unbelievably damaged by the fact no one at home has time for them - mum and dad work full time and then they have social events in the evenings and mum might be involved with the PTA or WI and all that which seems good in theory but really the kids are desperate for mum or dad to read their school books with them or help with homework....so from that side of things working mums can be very bad for their childrens psychological wellbeing.

HOWEVER - happy mum=happy baby and I personally would love to work a few days a week like Vicky but in my area childcare facilities are dismal - its the school run that I can't get anyone to cover. Its why I have a reasonable business doing what I do. I suppose I am a working mum but I am lucky to be able to work from home. Its good for my son to have the interaction of other children (although admitedly its frustrating that other parents don't always have similar values to us - you know like please and thank you and not playing fighting and shooting games (I'm really anti that..sorry!) but I am an educated woman and need additional stimulation so I am really torn between working and staying home. Childminding is a good balance of the two financially but it isn't always mentally stimulating!

We need more affordable and SAFE childcare for our children so that going to nursery/childminders is a positive experience for everyone involved. Young children need to learn vital social skills and some stay home mums don't have the confidence to take their kids out and about to clubs and groups so that their kids can learn those skills. In those cases childcare would be the best thing a parent could give their child.

Sorry on my soap box!! But as you can imagine in my position I see alot of mess and heartache and feel strongly that mums need more support to be able to get back into work. I'm not convinced full time working is ideal for either mum or child to be fair but it is so hard getting childcare that I don't really have a choice of either anyway right now! I find it hard to trust childminders as I have seen first hand from the inside how shockingly poor some of my "colleagues" are with kids in their care. And an Ofsted report isn't always a fair summary of what is really going on behind closed doors. This scares me alot - but who else would pick up our children from school?!

Hi Ever, everything youve said there is very well said in my opinion! Obviously I can't speak for full time working mums as I only work 3 days per week (haven't started yet til next week!, was doing 2.5 before!). I don't actually know anybody who has worked full time and sent their kids off to child minders etc tbh.

All I know is that my daughter is very well looked after she has all home cooked meals from scratch etc all her clothes are clean she comes from a clean home mummy and daddy make time to spend playing with her on an evening or at weekends or on my days off. God im going off on a right tangent here aren't I! But basically what im trying to say is that I can do everything for her like I could if I was here full time and I don't feel like shes affected at all.

I suppose I am very lucky to have MIL to look after Ellie whilst I work although I don't feel lucky sometimes when im whinging on and I do appreciate what she does for me.

Everybody circ umstances are different and tbh if I had to spend Ellie to childcare it would not be worth me going to work as most of my wage would be spent on that and we earn over a certain amount so only qualify for £10 from tax credits towards!

Anyway, I think ive bored you all to death now! I just think some people are so rude on the sun discussion boards and actually quite obnoxious (sp!) unless its me misinterpreting?

x x

Hi Girls,

I'm a full time working Mum. I only went back last week after 9 months off with DS. I went back to work when my DD was 6 months old. I really didn't have a choice back then. I was a single mum, and wouldn't have been able to work had I not had the assistance from tax credits. I didn't want to stay at home on benefits, waiting for a council house to come up whilst living at my parents so not working wasn't really a choice for me.

DD went to nursery 3 days a week and was cared for by her great grandparents the other 2 days. I was really lucky to find an excellent nursery near me which DD went to and my DS is about to start at. It is in a massive house with properly segregated units, an animal coop in the garden, a swimming pool - the lot. I've been in to observe on many occasion (you can just drop in when you want so if something bad was happening you'd know about it). The kids are all well cared for, happy and playful. I honestly do not believe my DD would be the confident, intelligent little girl that she is now if she hadn't done those things. (Obviously my parenting has something to do with that too )

Now it's a bit different, we've got a mortgage and bills to pay, and I do not want to rely on my DP to do it all. He was working 2 jobs as it was when I was off and running himself into the ground. He doesn't earn enough to cover all of our outgoings, so I've gone back. As my DP works shifts he'll be around to look after DS on days when I'm working and he's not at nursery. For the other days he'll be going to his grandparents or a childminder who is one of my best friends, and also has a similar parenting technique to mine so I know he's going to be well looked after.

I have a problem with the fact that as a 2 parent family we get no assistance from tax credits etc. because we now supposedly earn too much. It's ridiculous; we still have the same amount of bills to pay, but because there's 2 of us on average incomes we get nothing.

Anyway I'll hopefully be going part time later in the year - but as I've been on SMP at £112 a week for the past 37 weeks I can't afford to just yet!!!

I do agree it is important to strike a balance when you are a parent. When I finish work I spend time with my kids. DD is at school so I'm only not around with her for 3 hours a day when I'm working. We only go out occasionally and if we do it's mainly at a time when the kids are asleep so they won't miss us. There are parents who don't do this and that's where the problems start - although it's not fair to say that it's just working parents that don't put the time in with their offspring, there are plenty of people who don't work and don't give two hoots about what their kids get up to.

Vicky - you've got to remember they are Sun readers, probably the most stimilating conversation they get all day is on the internet (I am only joking to all readers of the Sun; I read it, but only for the pictures!). I also had a quick look at some of the other posts by 'yummymummy' did you? Enlightening to say the least!!!!!!!!!!!

xx

This message has been edited. Last edited by: EmmaLou,

Wow this is a difficult topic - Haven't looked at the sun site yet, but just wanted to add my 2p worth here before popping over!

Basically I am a full time working Mum, often doing around 50 hours a week as well as on call duties which mean I can be disrupted/called away without notice, my DH also works upwards of 50 hours a week, and despite having a very simple lifestyle we both need to work so much to cover our basic outgoings.

I had to return to work when my DD was 6 months old through financial necesity, HOWEVER i was suffering terrible post natal depression, and I was a much better Mum once I could spend time away from DD too, and started to re-discover my own identity. It was not an easy thing going back to work so soon, and I was terrified I would miss all of her 1sts. Luckily she is cared for by family, and so even with the 1sts I personally missed I was pleased to know that people who love her were there when they happened.

This time around I am hoping to take 12 months off with ds, and don't feel any desire to return to work, so know it will be heartbreaking when I have to, however I know that we can't afford for me to change my working arrangements.

I now that some people would argue that two people who have to work such long hours shouldn't have children who they then miss out on, but I feel the qulaity of the time we have together is great enough to outweigh this argument, we try to make sure the quality of family time is paramount, and to be completely honest put that in front of other priorities (its not unusual for the house to be a bit of a tip because we have been doing stuff with DD when we get home instead of beaing festidiously tidy!).

I know my children understand that they are loved and feel secure in that even when we are not present, and also understand that we got to work because we have to (just like when they don't want to go to school and they have to do it!), however that choice remains beyond our control until that lotto win comes our way!

True I could have chosen not to have children knowing I would always need to be a full time worker and part time mum, BUT I am proud of the people my children are becoming, and I think the world would be a much duller place without them in it.

Cxx

Hi guys,

This debate has kept my friends and i talking for weeks now! You're damned if you do and damned if you don't i feel.

There's been loads of stuff in the media about people working flexi time and part time and the resentment that fellow colleagues feel towards them for that. So should mothers work full time? No because then they are supposedly not spending enough time with their children. So do we not work at all? No, because then our children don't get to spend so much time with other children etc!!

Apart from the fact that a fair amount of us don't have partners who earn enough for us to choose not to work anyway. What are we supposed to do? Not have children until we have enough money to only work when the children are going to school??

I am going back to work at the end of January and i have mixed feelings about it. I know i'm going to be a wreck for the first few days/weeks and miss my DD like crazy, but i am just going to have to push on through. At times i have really missed being at work, that kind of adult interaction and mental stimulation. The couple of times that i have been in to see everyone i have found myself getting so involved in discussions and debates about things that i have come home feeling a bit fed up that i'm not at work! I am lucky enough to be able to do 3 days a week which sounds like a good balance to me but it's not going to be easy. I am a nurse and i am dreading having to leave before the nursery shuts if things are kicking off on the ward. I am going to be job sharing so there will be someone else around to manage things when i'm not there - hopefully it will work out - perhaps i should return to this thread in 6 months time!! But being a nurse is ME, i now need to learn to be mummy and a nurse too!

I do want to be at work, i want to be a role model for my daughter and hope that she will grow up to learn that women can have a career if they want and still do the family thing too. I think it is a terrible shame that we never seemed to learn that growing up, it was all or nothing, home ec. and housework or a career driven maniac - isn't there a balance between the two somewhere? That is what i am going to aim for anyway

Hey Girls

It's so nice to read of others in the same boat. You're so right about being damned if you do and damned if you don't Noo.

There is a balance between working and parenting - and all the brilliant Mum's somehow find it

Frankly, sod anyone who wants to knock you for working and having kids. Let them walk a mile in working mum's shoes and see how they get on. If everyone was banned from having children unless they stayed at home to bring them up the world would quite possibly stop turning. Can you imagine how many million people this applies to?

Cludgie, being at work gives you a sense of identity and also occupies you with something other than babies - anyone that looks down on you for that clearly hasn't experienced PND. It's fantastic that you can take a year out with your son. I loved the 9 months I had with Connor, but towards the end I admit I was missing my intelligence, craving adult interaction and desperate to get away from Jeremy Kyle!

Plus the time I do have now with the kids means so much more to me...does that make sense?

xx