Discovery Home & Health

i had a baby 13 weeks ago now and i love him to pieces, i also have a four yea old daughter and to be blatantly honest im not coping with thenm very well, dont get me wrong they are fed and clean, but i just dont think im doing good job, my four year old seems to make it her main aim in life to get up my nose, the trouble is i let her aswell i know its hard for her with a new baby about but im finding it hard aswell the guilt i feel because im feeding max and she will come along and say im hungry my tummy is rumbling and i say to her im just feeding max and she will go on and on until i lose my temper, i tried to prepare evrything she needs first so that i dont have to refuse her things because i am busy bet then i get that wrong, i ty to keep my flat clena and get things done but i just feel like im fighting a losing bayttle and im really beginning to lose it i am beginning to really dislike my daughter and that make sme feel so guilty to. my hv aleways asks if everything is ok as does m doctor but if i say no they will offer me prozac, and i dont want to admit defeat either i bought these children into the world its my responsibilty to care for them but i just think im doing a crap job of it. im meant to go back t work in january and i just dont think im going to be able to cope doing that aswell as look after them and my husband. he helps out but then i dont ask him for help all that much because i shoulfd be able to do it. i dont have alot of friends that i can talk to or spend time with which makes life hader aswell but then i dont want to be seen as a failure by other mums that have four kids two jobs their house is great and all is well. dont mind me im just having a moan but i just want to know that im not the only person that feels this way sometimes, i dont want to fall out with my daughter but she is wearing me down so much now that i dread waking up in the morning to be honest.
sorry to whinge on everyone
love
leah.x

oh u poor love
this is all so nomel if u need some one to talk to reguly my e.mail address is michelleshort1985@hotmail.com im on msn most days if u wont to ad me to buddy list it is so hard to change from one chil;d to 2 i have to say i havnt done it iv only got them one but i went through it with sisters u r going through a lot but u have to ask for help even if its just your husband who u ask dont think your self as a failua if u carry this on your own u will feel a lot wors email me love and we will talk about any thing u wont to try and help u if u want my name is michelle
love to u all

Hi Leah,
My name is Toni and I know what you are going through. I have 4 kids 12, 5,4, and 16 months. Two weeks after my youngest was born I started feeling depressed and all I wanted to due was cry. It was the first time I ever got post partum depression, didn't have it with the first three. I still fill like I'm fighting a losing battle with house word and laundry. I'm a stay at home mom but there still not enough hours in the day to get everything done. It will get better, now I have more good days and less crying. It just takes time and support. If you need to vent I'll listen.
Toni

Hi Leah, i felt exactly the same as you. I have a 6 month old and also a 4 year old and they are both very demamding. My husband is always working or sleeping so i do most of the house as well as the kids. My 4 year old would always ask for things when the baby was getting attention as im sure he was jealous as always having been the only child for so long, the only way i over came this was by getting him involved in the situation i was in with the baby at that time, for example if i was changing a nappy i would get him to pass me a new nappy or the cream, if i was feeding he could get the bottle from the fridge or wipe the babys mouth, this really improved things for me.
What makes it worse i think is probably the lack of sleep you might still be having and you have every reason to feel down, i did and really started to pick on my 4 year old for no reason but yet was full of love for my new baby. I did feel guilty, but things soon changed when the baby started sleeping all night and therefore i would get a good night sleeps and feel like i could handle things a lot better. I know its hard not to loes your temper but it only makes the 4 year old react to you more, well it did for me.
Things are so much better now, he still dont understand he needs to be quiet when the baby is sleeping but shes learnt to sleep through his noise now. If you wanna chat send me an emal..mrmrsalan@hotmail.com...im also on msn at that address. It sometimes helps when someones been there before, and even if i cant help im a good listener.
By the way, my names carly and i am 24.
Hope to hear from you. Take care.

Not sure that address came out right, it is mrmrsalan@hotmail.com

Hey Leah,
The very fact that you're worried about the siutation and are trying to sort it out makes me think that you're probably a great mum - but human too!!!!!
You're obviously enough on top of things to realize something has to give a little - talk to your husband. And make sure het gets it. Maybe he can take your daughter out on the weekend, just the two of them, maybe he can read to her, give her a bath etc.
It will get better - I have only one and plan on more but certainly don't have any rose tinted glasses on. And I've seen it with friends, my sister - everyone.
Don't stop talking to your doctor or HV just because they want to give you Prozac - tell them you don't want it and try to find alternative solutions.
The house? Who cares? I know you probably do but learn to let it go a bit. I was a neat freak before my son came along and really struggled until I thought, "it's just dust," or I'll do the dishes when he's in bed. It's just a house - it doesn't love you back or give you a great big smile and a kiss when you play with it.
Good luck,
Caff
x

Hi Leah

I had a baby girl 8 weeks ago and this was my second baby. My first child is a boy who is now 9 years old. I got very depressed and down with my son, but feel great with my newborn little girl. Speaking from experience, I would go by the advise the other ladies have given you. I tried to keep the house clean and tidy, plus look after my son. Also with my husband working I tried to to make sure everything was done before he came home,so he wouldn't think I had been sitting around all day. I eventually cracked because I kept it all bottled up and would just cry alone in the house in the day. My husband knew there was something wrong, but I wouldn't share with him what was wrong with me. This started to make him worried when he was going to work in the day. He a type of person who wouldn't be bothered if I hadn't done any dishes or hadn't tidied the house. While he had been at work because he understands I had a baby to looke after, but it was me who wanted everything done. I eventually plucked up the courage to talk to my GP who at the time did put me on Prozac for a while. Life to get easier and I started to feel ok. After a while I came of them and things gradually started to be ok. I am not saying you need Prozac not at all, but with what happened to me. With my second child I have looked at things a bit differently. I think if no housework doesn't get done. Well there is another day. Don't get me wrong I do like a nice tidy house as well, but if I have to sit with Jasmine all day because she is not settling. Well I do that and think when my husband comes in. He can take over and I will do a bit then. I am here if you want to talk to me. Leah see if your husband can take them both out for a bit to give you a little break to yourself or bath them for you and you take some time out then. Anyway take care my love and remember I am here like the rest of the other ladies.

Lisa

thankyou all so much fo rreplying to my post its good to know im not the only one going through it, i understand all what your saying now when im in the right frame of mind but its so difficult this maysound very dumb but i have my husbands brother has 4 children and they are awful and his girlfriend does nothing round the house they are dirty people at the end of the day and all the family dislike the way they live and the way the kids are ( they are demons) i just dont want to get tarred with the same brush so i feel oblidged to do a better job sort of thing, its like when i had max i said thats it im not having anymore which is what my sister in law said after the first baby then she went on to have three more and veryone goes oh you wil have more! stupid i know but people compare the boys all the time an i feel pressured i know this sounds crazy. i do try to talk to my husband about things and he does help a bit but he works and is up early all the time, see the trouble is that my mum suffers from manic depression and she has tried killing herself many times and my husband freaks out about that, i had a breakdown last year and took an overdose, which is probablythe single most selfish thing i have ever done, but now i can see when im getting low and i can address it. i dont want to become my mum i dont want people thinking about me the way they do my mum, and i dont want my kids to see it either.
as you all say the housework isnt all that important and i need to try and realx on that a bit evryone takes the mick out of me because i keep tyding up and stuff like changing the babys clothes as soon as there a bit dirty, i think im a bit obssessive compulsive thats what some people have said because the house has to be clean the baby has to have matching socks to his outfits and everything must cordinate etc i just think im a proud mum and i like the kids to look nice.
i know i probably soud like a right head case, but im only 24 and i want to try and calm down a bit hopefully ive got a lot of life left and i dont want to fel like this for the rest of it.
so im going to try and untwist my knickers and calm down as you say other things can wait.
my email is lindseyleah@hotmail.com by the way if anyone wants to chat or add me to their messenger!
thanks again it means alot to me
love leah.x

Hi Leah - do you know what - I wouldn't be afraid of the Prozac if it was offered. I have post natal depression and I've been taking it for a while now. The effect of prozac is quite subtle. It doesn't change who you are, but it sort of puts things into perspective so that you can cope better.

My daughter is 5 and my son is coming up to his 2nd birthday, I've probably had post natal depression since my daughter was born. I couldn't tell you if you are suffering from the same thing, but if you were told you were, prozac may help.

I had real difficulties coping with things when my daughter was smaller, even with my husband doing all of the child care in the evenings. So I've been lucky. I've also made myself afford to hire a cleaner. It's one less thing I have to worry about each week. The PND exhausts me sometimes and then the fact that I wasn't managing to deal with the kids and the cleaning made things worse. Until I got to the point where everything got on top of me and I'd get nothing done.

Now, I take my tablets, get my daughter to school, spend some time with my son, run my business, do the cooking and washing, leave the cleaning to the cleaner once a week and I get by. I may not take the kids to do exciting things every day of the week, but hey they're fine.

Your kids sound like they're loved, fed, clothed and clean. Therefore you must be doing a great job.

Sorry I'm whittering on here.

Debz

Hi Leah, i have added you to msn and i did send you an email, hope things are ok for you now. Any time you wanna chat im normally around as i dont have much else to do these days other than look after kiddies and play on the comp, i assure you i am normal, well kinda, a little crazy maybe but no more than the average mum.
Chat soon.