Discovery Home & Health

Hi Lea it's lovely to hear from you hun I was so delighted to read about your pregnancy. It's fantastic news. Sorry I meant to pop over to congratulate you properly and all. Aw you're wishes for Kian to be an older brother are coming true for you in July. Ha ha your post made me laugh! Don't men just love reminding us about the hard work involved in producing their offspring!! We're expecting our fourth boy so my DH must have super commando soldiers lol!!! I must admit though it has been a bit of a blow to me as I would've loved a daughter. It would be nice to have a bit of female solidarity in the house! Maybe next time!! OMG I can't believe I'm thinking about a next time already!! Are you going to find out the baby's sex or are you waiting for a surprise?

Elaine xx

Yes i really want to find out so I can get things in pink or blue (crazy-but I like to be organised!) Though the thought of not knowing till 'he/she' pops out is appealing-ah well sure baby will decide at the scan!

Although we are so very blessed to be able to have children at all- I can understand your yearning for a daughter, its not that you dont want another boy its just you'd really like a girl aswell. Im sure its a woman thing and I know when boy number 4 arrives you'll be just as happy as if it'd been a girl. After 4 boys I think you are quite within your rights to want to try for a girl!

You are really going to have to do 'it' the girl way with no 'accidents'!!

On the plus side in years to come you'll probably have 4 fantastic daughter in laws to shop/chat with without having to put up with their strops during the teenage years! I can talk to my MIL about anything whereas its a bit harder with Mum- so perhaps thats a slight consellation?

Anyway-good to catch up xx

Hi all,

I just felt the need to write down my thoughts in an attempt to make some sense of them.

I'm having a hard time at the moment as my husband is adament that he does not want any more children whereas I do. I could cope with the fact that it might not happen but to be told it definitely won't happen is devastating. Without hope there is nothing.

We are going through a rough patch but all the other issues could be resolved except this one. Is there a compromise?

I don't want to go through life with regrets as it could and proberly would breed resentment and bitterness. My longing for a daughter is still great but my longing for a child in the future is greater, boy or girl. At least I would have some closure with my feelings in that I tried and it just was not meant to be but to not try?

Writing down my thoughts is therapeutic but also makes me feel an overwhelming guilt as I have two gorgeous boys. Why do I need/want any more children? I just do.

I keep replaying conservations I've had with others about there regrets about not fulfilling there desires and the fact that they still carry these feelings to this day. (I met a lady in the park who regrets not trying for a daughter and she was 78) Can I cope with these feelings all my life if I don't even try?

All day yesterday I kept seeing families with two older boys and then a daughter. Did they feel how I feel and tried? I kept thinking that could be me but it can't anymore. Maybe over time the feeling will subside but I'm not so sure.

I just find it hard to accept that I can't even try, not with my husband anyway!

If anyone has stuck with this then I would like to apologize for a mad woman's ramblings.

I'm off for a spot of magpie watching... (Old habits die hard!)

Christine

Hi Salad,

I know how you are feeling. I was sterilised at my last c-section and the thought that I will not ever have anymore children, boy or girl, is killing me.I don't know what to advise you only that try not to get too wound up about it he may just be feeling like this because of the other issues that you have at the moment, men can not deal with thing's in the same way as we do.

Jayjay

quote:

Originally posted by Insomniac:
Hi Divvy congratulations on another girl. You haven't got long to wait now. My DH nearly collapsed too at the prospect of 4 boys! In our house it's not so much the hormones (well only one of them the 12yr old going through that at the mo!) it's more the fighting They have such a short fuse with each other and it's worse the older they get. Do you think you might have another? I'm 35 now but am defo considering another one. I must be mad!! Funny you said that you always pictured yourself as a Mum to daughters coz I've just read an article on Gender in Junior mag and statistics show that most women wanting to try again for a different sex are trying for a girl. It's seems the need for a girl is very strong in lots of women. I'm not doubting the need for a boy is also very strong but according to these figures it's not as common.


Elaine xx

I am 35 too, and yes I do think we will go for another, else this one will be like an only child, as my other girls are now 18, 14, 12....so you see why there are too many hormones in my house!!!

I can understand the need for the mother daughter relationship...some may want to replicate what they had with there own Mother...some may want to put things right, that there mother failed them...and a need to make it good?

Or maybe I think too much!

I think we will have another baby
Has anyone ever tried any natural methods that favour girls?

I think my husband and I make boys as we have a diet high in salt lol and also i love bananas and someone told me bananas favour boys?

not sure how true that is lol

Thanks for your understanding JayJay. I don't think my husband will change his mind and I'm worried this will just be left to fester if I don't do something about it. The big question is what?

It's lovely to see so many supportive husbands on here but also makes me realise I don't have that. He says he understands but he can't be the one to help as he does not want anymore children. Really, looking back I should have known that he wasn't children orientated whereas I am. What a mess!

Usually in a relationship there is a compromise but we both feel so strongly about it I'm not sure there is a compromise.

Christine

quote:

Originally posted by yummymummy4:
I think we will have another baby
Has anyone ever tried any natural methods that favour girls?

I think my husband and I make boys as we have a diet high in salt lol and also i love bananas and someone told me bananas favour boys?

not sure how true that is lol

Get this book 'Choose the sex of your baby' Its ace and worked for me and others I know too. x

http://www.amazon.com/Have-Girl-Step-Step-Scientificall.../105-2644791-6796466

http://www.amazon.com/How-Choose-Sex-Your-Baby/dp/07679.../105-2644791-6796466

Hi girls,

Christine hun I'm sorry you and you're DH are at odds about wanting another baby. Have you sat him down and really explained how much this means to you? There will be a 5yr gap between our youngest child and this little one because Dave and I went through broody stages at different times. We always knew we wanted to have another child but just couldn't agree on when would be the right time. It somehow just clicked for us early this year. It must be soooo hard for you as I know how powerful the feeling is to have a baby. You say you're going through a rough patch at the moment. Maybe if you were able to sort everything else out he would feel different about having another child. Could it be that he is anxious about having another baby when you're having problems? Please please don't apologise, you are not rambling at all. That's what this forum is all about and I'm always about if you want a chat.

Divvy so you might go again too!! I know what you mean, that's quite an age gap between your girls. Well sure some women are having their first at 35 so we've plenty of time left lol!!

Lea I know next time I ttc I'm defo not going away for a weekend to a hotel with kids club!!! This one was conceived after the kids were picked up by the breakfast train in the morning and taken off our hands for a few hours lol!!! We didn't quite know how to spend our time!!!

Yummy mummy the books that Muswells mentioned are well worth a look. I followed the Hazel Chesterman one 'Choose the sex of your baby' which has worked wonders for friends of mine but this one was conceived at completely the wrong time for a girl. We got a little carried away so do try and stick to the rules. If you look back to the beginning of this thread you'll see how we all got on with using these methods. Some were successful, some weren't. All the best of luck to you


Elaine xx

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Insomniac,

Hi Elaine,

Thanks for your kind words but the problems we are having can easily be resolved except the having more children one.

My husband is an only child and wants lots of attention which I can't give him all the time with two little ones but I could make more of an effort.

To be honest with you he is really old fashioned and does very little for the boys except play with them when it suits him. He sees it as my job to do everything else, which is fine by me but I feel the boys are missing out. He is slightly better as they get older but is it enough?

He definitely does not want any more children as he says he couldn't cope. I'm not sure what he means by this as he doesn't do much anyway! I think we both want different things out of life.

It is so sad that it has come to this as it doesn't just affect us but can I live a lie? It is early days yet but I'm not sure how this can be resolved.

Christine

Hi Christine,

A good friend of mine is married with 3 children and her husband is an only child too. He is a very laid-back hands on kind of Dad but she too feels he needs a lot of attention. I guess it must be hard for only children as they've never had to contend for their parents attention. This must make it difficult for them in adulthood too as they have to learn to share their partner when children are involved. My MIL who had 7 children gave me this advice once which I must say I am definitely NOT advocating. She said that when my father-in-law came in from work every evening she would always stop whatever she was doing whether it was feeding one of the babies and go prepare his meal so that he would always be confident that he came first to her. She reckoned this contributed to their happy marriage and recommended I try the same after I married her son Well you can imagine that scenario has never happened in our house! Poor Dave has had to fend for himself plenty of times in the evenings if I'm involved in the boys homeworks or football runs etc! I know my MIL did mean well though but she's from a different generation where men just didn't get involved. I don't know how I'd cope if my DH didn't help out with the kids so I'm sorry you don't have that support.
Has your husband always insisted he does not want anymore children or is this a recent thing? How old are you're boys? I know only too well how boisterous young boys can be. Who knows, your husband may feel a little different with some more time when the boys are older.I'm sorry though this probably isn't a comfort to you.

Elaine xx

quote:

musswells Posted 06 January 2007 08:06 PM Hide Post
http://www.amazon.com/Have-Girl-Step-Step-Scientificall.../105-2644791-6796466

http://www.amazon.com/How-Choose-Sex-Your-Baby/dp/07679.../105-2644791-6796466

Thanks so much for that hun

Hi Elaine,

Thanks! I know there is nothing anyone can say to change things but it helps to have a ramble or seven!

Who knows what the future holds? I'm trying to keep upbeat things as my philosophy tells me that things happen for a reason. At the time it doesn't make sense but somewhere along the line it becomes clear. Perhaps I'm talking rubbish (I usually do!) but it helps me deal with things.

There are so many uncertainties in my life at the moment but then again life is full of uncertainties! (OOH - very deep!)

On that note I'm off to play spyro the dragon (My son's Christmas Present!)

Christine

Elaine

Congratulations on no 4 I am sure he will be gorgeous just like Jake is.

Your house will be as busy and mad as mine is but I know you will love it!!!

It is great to read all your entries and I have to say that although I love Jake I still long for a girl. I am 38 and time is running out and am not sure would try the natural methods again - I did everything on time, but it is difficult not to get carried away!!!!!!!!

For the moment I'm just tryingto enjoy my boys without going mad!!!!

Congratulations again and to all you other Mums to be.

Love Jack