Discovery Home & Health

Ladies,

I have decided to post tonight because I have been reading through t the last 24 hours of posts and I am completely astounded by the goings on here.

Before I start off I just want to write that I am not taking sides on any of this, I am writing here to try and make sense of the past few days of posts and make you ladies understand the bigger picture here in all of this.
I have been logging on here for 3 years, well that’s not true; I have been logging on for nearly three years and “lurking” for months before that. Ladies you have got to know how difficult it is to post on here for the first time, I remember the first time, I had just found out a work college had gotten pregnant and only tried for a month and at this stage I was 5 months TTC, I posted out of desperation really, I wanted a bond to women who were in the same predicament as me. I posted that first time and I swear I was shaking as I posted, fearful of the response I got and of how the ladies would take me. And I started to get response after response and it was all so encouraging. I was elated at having “made contact” to women who knew what I was going through. That was the start for me of my journey to finding true friends on the discovery site, and I did, I found the most amazing friends on here (you know you who are!!) And I felt blessed cause I never imagined I would feel so connected to such amazing women.

So ladies without out sounding like a complete loon, I am going to take you through the history of this site as I know it! As I said, I have had a long time on here, I think I know the in’s and outs of it now!
Firstly there were different threads that we all posted on:
1) The “2 WW thread” this was for the women who were in their 2WW(obviously!), later on this got changed to the TTC thread by Biddee, only a few months back as it sounded more appropriate
2) The “TTC Thread” this was for the women who were from AF to OV, after OV they used to just ship to the 2WW thread and if unsuccessful, they’d hop back again and vice versa
3) The “TTC for 6 months thread” was then started up by Sparklekiss. And a lot of the long termers used to post on there. Unfortunately for a lot of us we then changed it a year later to the TTC for 12 months” thread as there were many ladies who just couldn’t hit that right note and not get the eggie, and to be fair it felt kinda embarrassing to post on the TTC thread when you’re a long termer, so we posted there.
4) The “clomid and other fertility drugs” thread was also going at this time and this was for ladies going through the difficulties of fertility treatment.
5) We also set up the IVF thread for the complete long termers who, like me needed this site for what they were going through in treatment.
6) Any of the “due in” threads

In all this time ladies we hopped like those pesky grasshoppers from one site to another, didn’t matter how long we were trying etc, we just came on the threads and wished each other luck and baby dust and PMA. And you know what girls, that is something I miss the most from this site. There was a time when we used to say at the end of a post, tons of baby dust and PMA to you ladies. And its not said anymore and it saddens me. It used to feel like some kind of a prayer to see that written, baby dust by the truckload and tons of PMA!!! Where has it all gone to I ask?
And throughout all of this there is one huge thing that we are all missing, and all forgetting girls and that is the fundamental reason we came onto this site in the first place. As a place to meet likeminded women in the same predicament as me and who had the same issues feeling etc to the TTC journey.

Ladies has it occurred to you how many women are lurking out there tonight????? Remember you were a lurker once yourselves. Tell me something; if you had been on the fringes of this site, getting ready to post your story of TTC, would you have done it after last night’s fiasco? I know I wouldn’t.
As it stands right now I think we should all be slightly ashamed of what had gone on here the past 24 hours, I know I am. In all the time on here girls I can safely say this is the only time I come on to defend this site for what it fundamentally is, and that is a forum of knowledge, a place to meet and find like-minded people with simile issues. I don’t care who wrote what and what was said and the ins and outs of each post. The bigger picture here is that we have all turned into a pack of locusts ready to feast on unsuspecting prey and that prey is newbies who still haven’t the courage to post their stories on here. With recent things going on I doubt they will either. The backbone of this site is the ability to take that scary step of posting your story to women who you hope will become acquaintances, at most friends, and if you are really, really lucky then friends for life. Do you want women to miss out on that ladies? If you don’t then I suggest you take stock of the goings on here the last few days and realise that your actions will have far reaching consequences. Already many have left, in itself a sad sad thing. If this fraction of discourse continues you could be facing a mass exodus and for this site it would be the end of a very long run of friendship.

I am betting you are asking yourselves you who the hell is this dipsh*t to be heaping all this mud on us when its nothing to do with her.
Nothing to do with me??? Ladies you don’t know the half of it, I have been here for a long time, yes maybe in the background but here not the less, and like a mother cub defending her young I will do so with this site till the end, and I know there are many one here feel the same way.

Please don’t feel the need to come on to this thread and be negative. I am starting IVF in two weeks time, my 4th try (Well my second but the first two were cancelled) and I need all the PMA I can get ladies.

I am wishing you all the best in everything you do.
Please be good to each other cause if life is hilarious it is in one way, IT BITES BACK!! And things always have a tendency to come back and bite you on the ass. And by god that ass tastes good sometimes!
If anyone wants to email me to chat, my email is as follows
Suemcgrath31@gmail.com

Am throwing tons of babydust and PMA at everyone,
Love SueXXXXX

Well said hunnie xxxx

Absolutely!!

Suemac - Well said hun, I couldn't of said it better myself and good on you for doing so hun.

I remember you when I was TCC DD#1 and I wish you loads of luck for the future hun.

Love Jen x

Sue- Thanks for taking the time to type this Hun.
I totally agree with you. I have also made some great friends on these threads over the past year or so. I really don't know where I would be now if I didn't have the TTC thread / 12 m & over to pour my heart out to.

Please for those who have left, come back. This is an emotional roller coaster at the best of times and this site needs you !

babydust to all of us x

Well said Sue
Loads of luck for the IVF xxxxxxxx

Sue

I agree with every word. When I was over here everyone ended their posts with wishes of babydust and it was the place you could come and get support from others in the same boat.

Yes it is frustrating when others get a BFP and you don't but we all would wish them well and lots of babyglue. Where has that gone? Also the TTC thread used to be for people trying to get PG not those who already are!!

I can not belive what a horrible person that one must be. Why bring hurt to people. If you are going to be nasty at least be up front about who you are.

I was ttcing for 6-7 months and I don't know what I would have done without this site to give me the pick me up after a BFN.

For all those who have left come back and show these lot how it is done. BE NICE!

I have asked 4 the above post by 'lesliex' to be deleted as it is trying to start things up again.

Everyone please IGNORE the last post.

I also read everything that went on here the other night, Sue your a total star for coming on here and saying what you have, i wanted to but as its not normally my forum i didnt feel it was my place, but i see THEY ARE AT IT AGAIN, sue just poured her heart out to you all and there are some that cant respond to that, you just have to carry on this rubbish. OK tell me to mind my own business, but i know where you all are (i dont mean where you live or anything like that), i was TTC for 9 YEARS!!! yes 9 WHOLE YEARS, can some of you imagine that, it felt like an entire lifetime, but i am very lucky to now have the most gorgeous twins and am very blessed. I wish back then i had found a supportive site to help me thru the most traumatic years of my life, i didnt, but you all have and this is the way you treat eachother, why?????? Can you not all be grown up and just apologise to eachother for things said, none of it makes you a bad person, we all have things to deal with and its an emotional rollercoaster that sometimes comes off its tracks. Sorry, now i will shut up.

Sue, my twins are IVF so i do honestly send you loads of babydust and PMA for your IVF to come.

Sue

Thank you sooooo much for starting this thread!

After reading all the goings on over the weekend (and some other things in recent weeks) I had decided that I was no longer going to post. I sent a PM to some of my friends on here to let them know as I felt the site had changed so much that I didn't want to be a part of it anymore..... What you have said has really made me think - WHY should I walk away from a site and people I have come to know and love just because of this... WHY don't I stay and fight to make it the friendly, comforting place it used to be again!?!?

For those who don't know me I started posting in march 06 - when I was pregnant (after lurking for 2 months) and just before I found out I had a missed miscarriage... there are people on this site who's comfort / words of wisdom / just being there I will NEVER Forget! Summer, Cathy, Dats, Dippy, Noods the list could go on and on - and these were all people going through their own heartache at the time! Then I got pregnant again I made a whole host of new friends as well as the old - most of us still post on the parenting forum.... We all still lurk around all sorts of threads, and all check in on each other from time to time

People please feel free to post on WHATEVER threads you feel comfortable on! Thats the whole point of different threads!

No one needs to feel abandoned here - I am absolutely positive that everyone has a nose at what is going on in other threads, checking in on friends etc

Please lets get the cosiness, friendliness and support back to where it should be! I don't want this to be a forum for bitching and sniping!

So to those people who have always been there for me - all those named above, the nov 06 girlies, my feb mummies! the jan 07 mummies, the march 07 mummies, the sept 06 mummies I hoped to join originally and the rest of you!Thank you!!! lets show 'em how its done!

(see what I mean about checking in on each other now?!?!)

o and olmummy - thanks for giving me the courage to write this down!

Sue well said, you have voiced what I have thought when this started but could see no point in posting, thanks. I am off to find the TTC 12 months thread but in the meantime good luck for your IVF

Aaaah, the sound of reason at last !!!

Hey my little Sue, I TOTALLY agree with everything you have said, just should have been braver like you and posted it here, as an old 2ww'er that took the best part of 2 years to conceive I found these pregnancy boards priceless, and made soooooo many good friends, one of which I've even met up with and count as a very very true friend away from these boards too .

What I find it hard to understand is this mentality that you either post on one forum or another, and that if you post on a 'new' forum you have effectively left the old one and all of the resentment that seems to stem from this??? I find this strange as I used to regularly post on the 2ww (now TTC) forum, and then when I hit the 12+ mark I started to post more on there, but I still popped onto the TTC thread regularly to say hi and wish people luck, and there was none of these accusations then about leaving people behind etc. as you posted on both, it was just that at certain times of the month you needed to share your feelings with those that had a real understanding of your situation, because I'm afraid that I don't agree with whoever said that trying for 2 or 10 months is just the same, maybe there are a few very selfless people out there who truly feel that way (wish I could be more like you ), but speaking on behalf of myself and I know many many of the old 12+ girls, it just gets harder and harder every month that goes past, and as much as I'd never wish anyone ill and would always be happy for anyone who got their bfp (as I know what a treasured and remarkable thing that is), I also remember feeling 'why not me?' at times, especially when you see so many people starting their ttc journey and then graduating to 'due in' threads, and you're still not moving on yourself, it's only human to feel a bit down and need to take a bit of comfort amongst those who feel the same......and in no time you've picked yourself back up, kicked yourself up the bum and your pma is restored and you're ready to chat and share experiences again with ALL of the girls, new or old.

This really is a place for people to come and give and receive support and advice, and to share a good old grumble with, and also to celebrate with when that bfp finally arrives, but just lately I've noticed that there seems to be a few posts (on a few forums, not just this particular issue) that seem to be more about berating people and stirring up others, and setting people against each other, a bit like (I'm afraid to say) the old school playground, and we seem to have lost sight of the real reason why we're all here.

I was really saddened to see it deteriorate to this as I have got so much support and friendship from this site over the years (I've been a lurker and then poster for 3 years), and will continue to do so I know, and I want other to be able to share what I have, I really hope that everything can get back to normal now, and that really, those who want to continue the bad feeling do so elsewhere, leaving everyone else to get on with having a laugh and sharing their thoughts and giving support to each other and just being good mates basically .

Lots of Love

Dippy
x x

Dear Sue
thank you for your very well worded post! I too am saddened at what has happened on here.
I wish you all the very best for your IVF hun and sending you masses of babyglue, baby dust and whatever else I can muster up for you.

Billy x

Hi Sue,

Sooooooooo glad you posted. You've bought the best girlies out of the woodwork

Agree with everything you said 100%. But you already know that

Peanut - what you said was completely spot on. Let's show people how it's done.

I was sad to see what happened over the weekend, but I'm really pleased to see you guys back on here with your support for the Community. You're all so cool.

Sending you masses of babydust, and super duper stickiest baby glue to you all!

xxxx

I joined this site back in Marh 2005 when i first found out i was pregnant. We decided to keep the pregnancy quiet until i was at least 3mths, so after lurking for a while i finally plucked up the courage to come on here and post, and after 2yrs i am still chatting to the lovely ladies that i met in my "due in" thread.
What went on here the other night was really very very wrong. I read all of the threads but i decided not to post as i did not want to get a personal attack aswell.
When i joined i did not feel that i had to post in this thread, or i had to post in that thread, we should all be able to post when and where we like - after all there is no rule that once you have joined a thread then thats the only one you can stay in! theres an option to start new threads for a reason - and thats just generally to support, enourage and even just chat to people, you shouldnt feel pressurised to stay in that one place!

It would be a great shame if many people decided to leave this site because of what happened the other night. Myself and my due in friends dont tend to post regularly on here anymore, but alot of that is due to the continious technical problems that are on this site and drive us insane!

it used to be so nice here, it could be nice again!