Discovery Home & Health

Hi everyone

This is hard for me so please bear with me.........I am 22 weeks pregnant and about a month ago I was told I was in the high risk catagory for my baby having downs, I've had detailed scans and was also going to have the amnio but decided against it due to the 1% chance of mis-carriage, I have been given a 1 in 184 chance of my baby having downs, but it still upsets me that there is a risk, have I made the right choice? Help me, please!!!!!

Lisa.

Hi Lisa

I've never been in your situation so I can only imagine how you are feeling. I can only tell you my experiences.

I was brought up with a Downs boy called Mark. I feel privilleged to know him and be his friend. He does'nt have any brothers or sisters and the love and joy he has brought into, not only his parents lives, but his family, friends and neighbours lives, is out of this world. He is a true character! He is now 25 and is treated no different to anyone else.

My best friends daughter was unexpectedly born Downs last year, just two months after my daughter. From day one, my friend has been so positive and the baby has been excepted and loved by everyone. There is no difference in both our babies developement, she's got great co-ordination, laughing, crawling. Doing everything she should for her age. I told my friend, as long as she has got her health, Downs means nothing.

You followed your instinct, not tempting fate of a misscarraige with the amnio. I think you know in your heart. My Nan used to say, every baby brings it's own love, what is for you won't pass you and things happens for a reason. So be strong, take care and keep in touch.

Debbie x

hi lisa i was just reading ur post i'm due to have the blood test in 3 weeks but don't they say that it can come back saying it could be downs and u can have a "normal healthy baby" sorry bout commas but i never understood those words cos like debbie i see nothing wrong with babies born with downs or any other condition they are beautiful

my son was a prem baby born at 25 weeks weighing 1lb 13oz hes nearly 7 now and to look at him u would think he was two or three + hes had problems and still has but i love him regardless just go with it personally i don't see it as being a choice thats ur baby no matter what hope u find ur answers

lisa

Hi Lisa
Im sorry that you are so stressed by this - I can't imagine how hard it must be.

I have a friend who was in a similar predicament, it all turned out ok for her, but she got through it by imagining a room full of 184 people and 1 of them had downs - this seemed to help get it in perspective, a lot. In the bad moments we'd try to find names for these 184 people and believe me - 184 is a lot.

I don't know if you'll find this helpful - it helped her so I thought I'd share.

Jules

Hi

Just wanted to say thanks for the advice, at the moment I'm having my up days and my down days, trying to be positive for my husband and my family, just sometimes it's hard........but you've helped me out even just by listening to me. I'm more sure now that I've made the right choice not to have the amnio, I couldn't put my baby at risk, I suppose in a way my husband and I are lucky, we've been able to see our daughter (they think it's a girl?!?!?!) 3 times now and get to see her again in 6 weeks at the next scan.

Thanks again

Lisa.

Hi Lisa I have never been In your situation hun and must know how stressful this is for you.. If your baby does have Downs syndrome they normally lead a very good healthy life and are very intelligent as my best friends boy as Downs he his 18 now and very brainy.. Don't you worry yourself too much hun..

HI, I ALSO HAD A HIGH RISK OF MY BABY HAVING DOWNS 1-149 I WAS SO UP SET AS I HAD A MISCARRIAGE WITH MY FIRST PREGNANCY, SO I THOUGHT THIS ONE WAS GOING FINE UNITL THE 16 WEEK CHECKS, MY FAMILY TOLD ME I COULDNT COPE WITH A BABY WITH DOWNS AND WANTED ME TO HAVE THE AMNO WHICH THEY WOULD PAY FOR, BUT I DECIDED NOT TO GO AHEAD WITH IT AS I ALREADY LOST ONE BABY AND WOULD NOT RISK THIS ONE WHAT EVER HE WOULD BE I WOULD LOVE HIM. I GAVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY BOY ON 6 DECEMBER 2003 AND HE WAS FINE, THE FIRST THING EVERY ONE ASKED MY PARTNER WAS IS HE OK. I FOUND WHILST I WAS TRYING TO GET ON WITH MY PREGNANCY OTHER PEOPLE WORRIED ABOUT HIM HAVING DOWNS RATHER THAN MYSELF, AS I WOULD OF LOVED HIM WHATEVER HAPPENED. JUST TRY TO BE POSITIVE I SURE YOUR BABY WILL BE FINE. GOOD LUCKXX

I have a history of spina-bifida in my family so had a nuchal scan with both. On the second baby the readings were high even though i'm only 23. I panicked for a good few weeks with my second son as they found the fluid around his neck to be high. He is now 11 months old and walking. However my first son is 3 1/2 and is waking up almost every day with dead legs. My uncle died a year ago with complications due to spina bifida aged 39. Should I be worried>?????

Hi, I Have a baby (Or should I say toddler? She's growing up so fast!) With Down's Syndrome. I had the blood test when I was 16 weeks and the result was VERY low risk of having a baby with D.S, But I gave birth to a baby girl with that one extra chromasome, and do you know what, I could'nt be happier!

I understand what you must be going through, its not that big a deal really, nothing worth upsetting yourself over anyway! Just remember, if your baby is born with Down's then he/she will be YOUR baby, its not your fault!

The reason why you and so many other mums to be like you get upset about is just plain lack of understanding. The thing is, when you get pregnant we're told that its all going to be rosy, but if the word down's is mentioned we run scared for the hills! We're never told of the risks of delinquancy and drug abuse in later life if the child is 'normal' we're not informed of the risks of heart abnormalities or lerning difficulties, but if you have a child with Down's its pushed right in your face and it makes it all seem so negative! Its really not. A baby is a baby, regardless of its genetics! You did the right thing not to have the amnio, they're pointless anyway, the doctor's way of weeding out the weak ones, playing God with your child! That baby is yours and nobody will change that! If your baby does have D.S then there's LOADS of support out there, and may be by then my own organisation, Positive About Down's Syndrome!

Good luck with your pregnancy and chill out a little and enjoy it! xx

Hiya Lisa

I never get the chance to come onto this forum much these days since going back to work. I was thinking about you today, just thought I would send a quick note to say hello and see how you are doing. Have you heard any more news? I hope your bump is growing strong and healthy and you're not worrying too much.

Best wishes

Debbie x

Hi Debbie

Nice to hear from you, I've been for another couple of scans since I wrote the first message and they say everything is fine, baby is growing fine and is slightly bigger than average, but I expected that as I was a big baby, I'm now nearly 33 weeks pregnant and my bump is coming along nicely, roll on 7 weeks time, although she'll probably be late like I was.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about the Downs, but have to say not near as much as I did, I can't change it so wll just need to wait and see!!!!!!

I have a question for you did you go back to work full-time or part-time??? As I'm really not sure what to do after my maternity time is up, people tell me I'll want to spend as much time with the baby as possible, but then a new mum at my work is coming back full-time!!!!!!!!

The choices the choices.......anyway how's things with you? How old is your daughter now?

Let me know how your getting on too!!! It's nice to keep in touch!!!!!


Lisa

xx

Hiya Lisa

So glad to hear you and baby are doing well!

With my first baby, maternity leave was only 18 weeks, and I went back to work full time. I worked in a hotel then, so I was working shifts, weekends, bank holidays etc, I was lucky enough to have my Mum to look after him, but I found I missed out on alot of Ryans developement, first teeth, first steps, first word....My Mum would ring me in work and tell me what he had just done or said. When Lydia was born in April 2003 I took full 26 weeks maternity leave, I was then in a position to take an additional 26 weeks unpaid leave because I knew I had an annual bonus coming up. It is great in theory taking time off with your baby, but it does'nt pay the bills!!

I really enjoyed seeing Lydia do things that I never saw Ryan do. I went back to work the end of February this year only part time, Mon, Tue, Thu, Fri 10.00 - 2.30, this means I can take Ryan (now 5) and pick him up from school without relying on anyone. It's also great to be back with the girls in work, you do miss the banter and the bits of gossip!!!

I don't think there is a right or wrong desision, you do have to do what fits in best with your lifestyle, regardless of other people's opinions.

Lydia is nearly 14 months now and what a funny little girl she is. She is such a crazy baby, she makes some funny faces, always tries to make you laugh. She's not talking yet but understands everything you say, she just shakes or nods her head, She has only just started walking, so everything has got to be out of her reach!!! You've got this all to come Lisa!!!

You take care of yourself, and bump, and keep in touch.

Debbie x

Hi lisa
i was just raeding ur message im in childcare and i have worked with children that have downs.
If ur baby does have it then it will be hard but believe me what a joy the children are
take care and look after urself
kelly x