Discovery Home & Health

I have just had an email from My friend she has tried for 3 years for a baby and has had IVF treatment. She was due to have her baby the same day as me 25th March 06. I have just had an email from her, the baby has died and she has to give birth in the next few days to a dead baby.

She was horrid to me when I had my daugter as I had a baby and she did not, things were back on track when she got pregnant, now I will have a baby and she won't and I am so upset for her, it all seems to close to home and I know she will hate me even though it was nothing to do with me.

I have replied to her email but to be honest I was so unsure what to type as whatever I say will upset her.

Please help

hi i know its hard to hear but there is not really much you could do or say but after a while she will realise that she has no reason to be horrid to you, you have nothing to do with it. anyone can see why she may not want to think about you much at the moment as it will be upsetting, i know i wouldn't want to see anyone pregnant if i had just lost my baby. that happenning to anyone is just awful and she will feel resentfull towards you and all other pregnant people for having what she hasn't but hopefully eventually she will be able to acccept that yu are pregnant.
sorry that really gave no advice what so ever it was just a load of rambling on. its a hard situation but all you can do really is wait and be there for her if she wants you to be but leave her if she doesn't, she will come round eventally.

hope u r ok
gem x

aww.... ((((())) to both u n ur freind...its very upsetting emotionally..as wen i was expecting DS my friend lost her baby at 21 weeks and had to give birth to a still born....i really didnt know wat to say...but maybe u shud show her u r there for her by giving her a call...even if u dont know wat to say u wil pick up on wehthger she wants to have u around or not...b prepared for the worst as well...u r her freind and sometimes its very dificult for ppl who cnt have children....its not right she tks it out on u though...so see wat her vibe is..if she being really horrid..leave her to sort things out...but if she needs you for talking to there for her expecting the odd comments....as any good friend wud tk..good luck

xx

I am too upset to call her, I know that she is very upset and I know that I will bare the brunt of that. Another friend has broken up with her fiance and needs me and another mates dad has just died suddnely. I fell so much hurt for them all and upset and trying to be srrong for them all! Its a nightmare!

Lorraine hon, it all happens at once eh ! I would mail your friend back and just let her know that you are thinking of her and you are there for her if she needs you. Everyone reacts differently to loss, she might need you more than ever right now and she also might need some space. Why don't you even get a card saying 'thinking of you' or something like that and post it to her. She will appreciate something, but probably you'll need to give her a bit of space.

She won't hate you at all, she'll just be dealing with it the only way she knows x

You need to not let things get on top of you either, try and keep calm about the whole thing and not get too upset, you need to keep it together for your little ones sake.

Good luck

Sus
xxxxx

I have emailed her back, I think I will get her a card too, thank you for that, Its all happening at once.

lorraine, i think sending a card,is a good idea. shows you thinking about her and then if she needs someone to talk too, she can then make the move.

look after yourself xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is what I emailed to her.


I am so sorry to hear your tragic news. I am joining you and your family in this grief. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Take Care
Love Lorraine. x

talk about all a once!! i no it is easy for someone else to say but u ju gotta do your best but try not to get too upset yourself cos its ot good for u or your baby. i know it sounds really selfish but you have got to be your most importnant person at the moment everyone should stop expecting you to pick up the pieces. gbe supportive but just try to distance yourself from it a bit, the others will probably benefit from some space.

Good luck

i think you have done all u can. if she wants to talk she will get in touch - the card is a good idea

I need to hide away from the world. Please I can't have anything else go wrong for anyone, I just can't cope with all the upset.

awwww....((lorraine)))

sounds like its very emotionally distressing at the moment...its difficult cos u r expected to b there for every1 as well..but like the other girls say..u gota look after urself as well...jus tk the fone off the hook and dont use ur computer for the rest ofthe evening and try going out with ur family for a meal or something...enjoy and appreciate wat u have and that will help u chill out from all the stress..as its prob effecting u as well...once u have time to urself u'l feel fresh and rejuvinated enough to deal wit ur freinds' saddness.

Thanks for that. I might turn off and go for a rest, I am shatterd this really is upsetting me all this heartache. Hubby has gone food shopping with my son (5) and I have my daughter here (2) and she needs a nap as she is tired bless her.

Thank you all, I will try to help anyone, but gonna take some me time now. I feel worse as hardly slept last night as bad heartburn and a terrible backache!

Oh Lorraine - I am sending you massive hugs.

What awful news. The e-mail you sent was the right thing to say and I'm sure she will feel that you are supporting as much as possible.

Please don't worry yourself or get tooo upset, have a nice cup of tea and a sit down (my answer to everything, of course!).

I promise you will get through all of this but will take a little time to come to terms with it.

Someone said this once to me when I was very down and upset

Friends are like angels, they give us wings to help us fly!

Very sweet!

My thoughts are with you hun x

Jen x [:X]

Thanks Jen you are sweet. x