Discovery Home & Health

Thanx to those who replied to my other message, now i would like some more advice, im still not coping well with the fact that the babies father has left but now he is saying he wont be at her birth because his girlfriend wont let him, she has said he cant even be at the hospital or come in after she is born. I know he wants to be there more than anything but is saying no. How can i make him see that he should be there and will regret it if he isnt? To make matters worse im having alot of the symptoms of pre eclampsia and the doctors have said the only reason they are letting me home is if i rest and take it easy, i am going to be induced within the next 3 weeks because the baby is so big (i had a scan a few days ago and for 34weeks she is showing to be 6lb10 already) so i dont have much time to change his mind. Im desperate for him to be there but cant make him see that his girlfriend is being selfish by telling him to stay away. Im sure all of my worries arent helping my condition but i cant help it, please help i really need some advise.
Thankyou Kat

Hello Kat !! You could always try to play it cool by telling your ex that it doesn't matter if he doesn't come to see his baby enter the world without him being there. Your health is at risk and the doctor's orders are: NO STRESS. You could also perhaps tell him that you won't grovel for him to take some responsibility for his actions and that really, his new gf is welcome to him. And besides, he's obviously either terrified of her or he is lying between his teeth to avoid being there whilst looking good in the process. What kind of man still has a girlfriend making decisions for him?? Well, that would make a fine dad, that. If he can't act his age and tell his gf where to go and what he thinks of control freaks, then you are better off without him. And finally, tell him that your child needs a responsible ADULT to take on the role of a father. Someone who can stand up to danger or oppression for the sake of his child. He's clearly not it. Thank him for opening your eyes. Stay confident and calm whilst telling him, then don't let him reply and walk away. There is a chance he suddenly grows up overnight, but there is a chance he might not. But bluff seems your only option now. You take control of the situation before his gf does. She has no right either. One question though: is this man going to be on the birth certificate? Because if he wants paternal responsibility, then the law will be on your sides and the gf can't say anything about it. Anyway, good luck, and let me know what you think of that. Take care. Anne

Hi Anne, thanx for your message, im going to try that later today he is going to come round to see how i got on at the hospital. I saw him briefly yesterday, when a friend (a male friend) picked me up to take me out and i had a phone call from his friend who said that he didnt like seeing me with someone else and its driving him mad so ive got a feeling your suggestion will work, i just hope i can act as if i dont care anymore. Ive thought about calling his girlfriend and telling her what i think of her but that'll prob just make things worse!
Thanx again, Kat x

Hya again !! Good for you but I wouldn't call his GF if I was you because I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing that she IS indeed getting to you. However, if you felt able to call her in the view of staying dead calm (no shouting, raising voice, name calling etc) then perhaps some good may come out of it. I somehow doubt she is as horrible as you ex tells you. And besides, he wouldn't be with her if she was, unless he's masochist. You could calmly tell her how "confused" you are and calmly explain that you ex said this and that and you just want to hear her version. Is any of it true. If it is, then I suggest you respect her decision, and don't blow it. But also make sure she know how the whole saga affects you, without seeming to ask for sympathy. Then leave it at that. If you feel unable to have this type of decent and "fruitful" conversation (you may be surprise to see that you are being deceipted by your ex purposely), then indeed, I would think it's going to make things worst and I wouldn't bother. Good luck with it all and let me know. Anne

Hi Anne, well acting like i dont care anymore seems to be getting to him, he has been to see me everyday since you suggested that. Believe me, his gf is a nasty piece of work, she has phoned me a few times before saying she will kill me if i have his baby ond that shes 'gonna do some real damage' and that my face isnt pregnant!!!! I dont think she would do much damage but i know she'll have a good go, and guess what she's a SOCIAL WORKER! She has even threatened to do something at work so the baby is taken away from me when she is born. Im not scared of her i just wish i had proof of the things she has said, shes not much of a social worker if she can threaten a pregnant woman that way.
Anyway im not gonna call her because i know im getting to her alot and in the end i'll have the last laugh and everyone has said it. So thanx for all the great advice its helped alot and is working
Kat xx

A what? A social Worker???? My God ! It's like putting Hitler in charge of Israel !!!! That IS terrible. Well, keep a tag of phone calls, threats etc with date & time, that way, if the need emerges, you do have your weapon. Social Worker or not, the police takes those threats very seriously, but you do need a list of them before you can get help. She sounds poorly educated for a Social Worker. Hasn't she got anything better to do? Obviously she hasn't got enough happy families to try and wreck... Certainly, she wouldn't be able to take your baby away just like that, especially if it comes out that her new boy-friend is the father of the baby !!! Is she mental or what??? Are you sure she IS a Social Worker, because I am baffled. Anyway, I am glad things are better with your ex. Take care of the baby and yourself. Anne