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I have a 15 year old daughter who has been dating a boy of 17 for a few months now. Although we have talked alot about sex, I feel she should go on the pill. If I do this, will it give her an excuse to have sex with this boy. I was pregnant with her at 17, and although I thought I knew it all, I didnt. Its been a long hard road, but now I have a great career, a partner of 3 years, who I love dearly and I am just beginning my life again. I love my daughter more than anything and I am terrified that she will make the same mistakes that I made. I am trying to trust her judgement and hope she is sensible. I am being selfish in this too, as I love my life and dont want it to change. What do I do for the best?

HI sh i really dont think you are being selfish.You just want the best for your daughter and she is proberly very grateful to have a mum who she can trust and get advice from.I think that no matter whether your daughter goes on the pill or not you have to except that they proberly are if not already going to be sexually active.I never went on the pill mostly because my mum didnt want me to as at the time she didnt aggree with how it could not effect your fertility later.I met my boyfriend (now husband)at 18 and we deceided to have a baby together when i was just turned 19 my mum tried to talk me out of it by saying things like enjoy yourselves first,save some money get a house etc,but we didnt listen to her and i fell pregnant with my son Dylan we have now been married 4 yrs and have another son Tyler and another boy on the way.So my life worked out for the best in the end.But 15 is a lot younger and i doubt babies are even on her mind.You and your daughter need to sit down together and talk about what contraceptives to use there are so many different kinds of contraceptive pills now that she can find the right one to suit her body.At least you and your daughter will have peace of mind.It must be hard for you wanting to guide her in the right direction and yet you dont want her to feel like your running her life for her.She is really lucky to have a mum who cares as some young girls dont and i hope whatever decision you both make is the right one.goodluck

kids that age do like it all nower days i wud deff put her on the ppill

hi, im 16 and ive found out by watching my m8s that their gonna have sex with eachother even if they are not on the pill. the best way for her not to get pregnant is to put her on the pill. if they are determined nothing will change their mind!

Why dont you check out this site

http://www.compatiblepartner.co.uk/game/index.asp

Its got loads of good advice and is presented in a way that she (and you both) might be able to relate too.

Good luck

Alix

Dear SH,

I think this is a very challenging issue for you as you have to make a serious decision over your childs welfare and I admire you for taking the time to consider it at all.

Apart from trying to prevent any unwanted pregnancy have you thought about STD's. The pill, as i'm sure you know is not a barrier for quite dangerous infections, chlamydia (may cause infertility, warts, aids and of course other infections).
Also your child is only 15 and while I may get lynched for this her body is not necessarily ready. Just because a lot of teenagers are having sex doesn't mean that they are mature enough inside (eg their organs!)
What is the underage limit for sex - isn't it 17? Therefore surely, no matter whether your child is already sexually active or not, by allowing or suggesting she go on the pill you are condoning her partner have ILLEGAL relations.
I admit this is tricky for you as you have got to keep her safe and healthy. You say "I love my daughter more than anything and I am terrified that she will make the same mistakes that I made. " As it is your 'mistake' is this wonderful daughter but Imagine if one of the mistakes you made was to catch a serious sexually transmitted illness?
You are not being selfish but I do think you need to look at the bigger picture apart from unwanted pregnancy.
Good luck

Personally. Having a parent put your child on the pill would be somewhat embarrassing. If you have taught your daughter to be sensible then she should be. At 15 she may not remember to take the pill every day. Perhaps talk to her as you have done, suggest that she may want to do that or some other form of contraception, however, at 15 I'm sure she already knows this.

hi sh.
my name is ashleigh and i am 17.
i was put on the pill at the age of 15 as my periods needed controlling also i have been with my boyfriend since the age of 13.
when my mam decided that putting me on the pill would be the sensible thing to do i appreciated her request as it showed that she cared how i ended up and that she thought about things i wasn't 100% sure about.
your daughter will have sex with or without the pill and if you do or don't accept it.
i think you should explain about the pill, that it's not 100% effective and that it will make her periods regular ect.
ask HER if She thinks she would consider it and talk about the consiquences of sex not just babies deiseses and infections you never know it might frighten her and her next birthday she will be legal then she will be able to make all of her own decisions about her sex life. (hoped i helped you xxx) ashleighxx

Hi SH i have a fourteen year old typical kevin like teenager who i have just adviced to go onto the pill, NOT so she can have sex, she is thankfully still a virgin, but to reculate her periods. Her only thought when i suggested it was that she would be name called if her "friends" at school found out, how would they?????
Anyway mine also is a selfish reason partly because if she does decide to have sex, not that she is in a steady relationship, it will be one less worry for me to think about other than i hope she also uses a condom.

I think as long as she knows that the pill wont protect her from STIs putting her on the pill is a good idea, even just as extra protection against pregnancy.

karenlaura I could see your daughter's point about what people at school would say...the more ignorant teenagers would be quick to think oh she's on the pill so she must be having sex and she's underage so she's this and she's that but there's no reason why people at school would have to know.

It is entirley up to you whether or not to put your daughter on the pill. I'm only 17 and i didn;t tell my mum that i was on it as i put myself on it when i was only 14, but the pill isn't a sure thing if she is sleeping with her partner. i've been on the pill for 3 years and i am now pregnant, but i was taking it at the time as i have only just found out and i am now 5 months. I think the best thing you can do is to ask her if she wants to go on it but explain to her that it is still a good idea to use other protection if she is having sex. Hope you work it out []

To answer your question: Yes. Putting your daughter on the pill will definately give her more "initiative" to have sex. If she wants to that is.
You also need to talk to her about if she wants to go on the pill, and her reasons why.
Remember though, if she does ever fall pregnant it is her responsibility-not yours. Tell her that, and that you would make her move out. (even if you wouldn't)

But yes, the pill is not nearly as reliable as people like to think and even if she is on it, she should still use a condom if she did decide to have sex. Tell her that. But maybe you have already discussed all this. Not much else you can do. [8D]
Oh and I agree she might forget to take it. In my opinion the pill should only be used on under 18s if they need it for some medical reason.

hi i am 13 and despretly want a baby maybe your daughter fells the same and think of it this way you are giving up the chance to have a possible grandchild and you are murdering that one who could be possible think of it that way your daughter is fiffteen she knows wat she want dont take her independence away by putting her on the pill trust me i know how your thinking and i can relate to your daughter to[]

Hey I sympathise with you. You should talk to her. I went on the pill at 16 and still thought I was pregnant. The pill won't make her have sex but it will give you peace of mind if she does (if she wants to have sex she do it with or with out the pill). You never know she may want to go on the pill but is afraid you may think shes having sex if she asks! Its better for her to be prepared when the time comes then unprepared. Teenagers do have sex and if that time comes and her boyfriend hasn't prepared and got condoms and she isn't prepared they may just do it anyway thinking it won't happen to them (unfortunately my best friends 16 year old sister thought this way she had an abortion last week and missed her prom).
Becci she won't be taking away her chances of a grandchild as she could simply come off the pill if she wants a baby. And as shes only 15 theres plenty of time for babies and the same goes to u []

Hello

Just to put in my twopenneth!

I am 33 now and went on the pill when I was 16 and it was the best thing I ever did in my life. It was the one good decision I made out of a whole series of wrong ones at that age (wrong boyfriends, hanging out with the wrong people etc!) and meant that I did not have to endure either the trauma of an abortion or the potentially devastating effects that having a baby at that age would have had on the career I wanted to follow* but was able to have a happy life and achieve all the goals that I want and am now happily married to a wonderful man I met in my twenties without "baggage".

I don't think her being on the pill will encourage your daughter to have sex if she isn't or wouldn't anyway. But at the point she does decide that it is a good idea, isn't it best to be ready for that?

It has to be your daughter's decision as much of yours, but I do not see any harm in encouraging young women to take responsibility for their own sexual welfare and life decisions. You must explain the importance of using other contraception in addition to protect against SDTs.

* that is mean as no insult to anyone who does choose to have a baby at that age

Hope this helps.

K
x