Discovery Home & Health

Hello ladies,

Cheryl it was good to hear from you.
The question of therapy will always be a contentious one! Yes, it can be expensive, but a good therapist, one who actually believes in helping you should be at least a bit flexible on price. The one I see dropped his rate by �10 per hour when I first went - I wasn't working then, but now I am and he still hasn't raised it, which is really good. I only go every other week, and unlike Amanda's experience, I saw him the day after my original call. I don't live in London however and so it will be different wherever you are. I pay the same to see him as I do for LL. LL loses the weight, the therapist is helping me to rediscover the parts of me that are worth keeping it off!

Amanda I completely agree that in order to heal pain you need to feel it. I don't know if you have experienced therapy, but I can tell you that it is as far from running away that you can be!! You get right in there into the nitty gritty and it can be extremely painful, but cathartic. I am sure there are people who can go through the pain and experience without any help, and succeed, but there are those of us who find the time that we spend with a therapist to be so much 'our time' that it helps to speed the process. As I have said loads on here, we are all different and we have to find our own way through. This is mine and it works for me. I would never advocate it for everyone, it is expensive and sometimes hard to find a therapist you feel comfortable with, I just wanted to share how I feel about it.

Take care all of you - Spring is here and summer just around the corner!
Love Izzy xx

Hi Izzabel,

I was only referring to CBT in my post, I meant that CBT teaches how to change one's feeling about something and my point was that changing your feeling about something isn't necessarily acknowledging them or healing them for that matter, it is sweeping them under the crapet and Yes I went to see a therapist when I was in my late teens and it was dire, was one of these freudian type of therapy where you just talk and the guy keeps noding...I gave up after a while...I think therapy is a fantastic tool to understand who we are and why we do the things we do, however sometimes it can also be double-edged in the sense that it gives permission to lay the blame for who we are on things and people that existed in the past and not necessarily being real. Being in reality means to understand what hapened and move on...no matter how lousy my parents were and how selfish and how uncaring, what happens in my life today is my own responsability and anyhting that happens to me today is the reflection of my thoughts, choices and perspective on life.

AmandadePanda
xxx

Hi everyone, Helen how are things with you?

I am 2 days away from starting management officially, however it just dawned on me that that there is no point in hanging around, haven't lost an ounce in the last 2 weeks, don't know what's happening so I decided to cut it short and go back to food tomorrow rather than Wednesday...I've been racking my brain trying to find out why I am not losing any weight first I thought it was Boaters, it isn't, then thought may be the sweetener, it isn't, it's not exercise either because I stopped going for one week and no difference there , so may be it is just that my body has decided to go its own stubborn way, I am a bit miffed because these last 2 weeks I aimed at losing the last 4 pounds (the little pouch of fat hanging around my hips)...I am a size 8, 62 kilos and BMI 22 so I cannot really complain...the week I started LL I bought myself a pair of trousers from Dorothy Perkins which were size 18 because I cold not fit in any of my size 16 trousers...
Over the last 11 months I have put my life on hold, didn't do much, didn't really socialized apart from 3 or 4 times....never been able to go anywhere and watch people eat, I do admire people who can though...I'd be drooling all over people's plates with a 'hungry dog' look on my face...didn't work much, didn't have much sex either, all my energies went into reminding me to keep focused, I was never able to stick at anything before so it took a lot of energy and focus to keep this going...it really feels like stepping out of jail and a bright sunny day...all that sun in your face all these possibilities...and you wonder where to go next??? This should be a time of celebration, I feel quite elated inside, however a lot of fear surrounds the issue of going back to food for most people and I am no different...it is interesting to see how fear highjacks most of our celebratory moments...

My councillor is quite good, and very lovely however I think the management group I am going to be joining is a fleeting one, groups where people don't stay, I don't know if it's because when people get to management they're not interested in investing the time or is it because once you're in management, financially speaking it isn't interesting for councillors to have structured group sessions, whatever it is it doesn't matter really...I will keep the weight off...it is non negotiable..

I am going tomorrow to get my management instructions, if you're wondering about the process it is protein fish or chicken first 2 days once a day + 3 food packs, then you introduce leafy veggies on the third day ...

Good luck to everyone who feels like they're climbing a steep hill 'Back to food' (or is it rolling down the hill???) remind yourself of your commitment and why you did this in the first place...you can do it!!!

Lots of love
AmandadePanda
xxxx

Amandapanda, thank you for you last post.

Still no real joy at management group for me. Have gone back to
3 shakes a day BECAUSE:-

1. gained 2 lbs last week (total of 4 since being on management)
2. feel out of control
3. went away for weekend with friends who love to eat and drink
4. ate and drank with them - had wonderful time
5. must have gained more weight - now Monday is here back at home and back in control!

What seems to work for me is setting my own targets - know that if I eat out (also had a business dinner the previous week) I need to gain control. Spoke to my counsellor who advised either getting back on track immediately (my wishes) or leaving it until the end of maintaince - too late for me personally - could see my weight just going up and up albeit steadily.

Even on maintence I cannot seem to control portions - so feel I will encounter lots of going and coming off of shakes. Until I reach a sensible eating pattern. I cannot explain my behaviour but am trying to work with it in order to maintain my loss.

I too was BMI 22.5 and now BMI 23 still a size 8 - 10 but hair in better shape!!!!

Good luck with maintence - would be interested in knowing how the group meetings go - I did hear that they should be as structured as the original meetings and not just treated as a pop-in.

Love Helen x x x

hello everyone!

I have been on lighterlife since june last year, have lost nearly 8 stone. can't believe i ever had that much to lose in the first place, but then i guess if i knew then that i looked like i did in my photos (taken when i started), I would've done something long ago! it's scary to think you walk around like that, but don't realise how bad you look! Anyway, hopefully I no longer look like that!

I have 3.6 pounds to go before i can start maintenance, but that will only take my bmi to about 23, so am considering about another 5 pounds or so, to get it to 22. I am really concerned about maintenance as i don't think that my counsellor even has a maintenance group at the moment, which is not keeping me very focused at the end!

Can i ask if anyone else has got more critical of themselves & others? i just wonder if i will ever be happy with myself. I don't exactly think i am fat still, but am not happy with how i look. i certainly don't feel thin. I know I look better than I did, but I thought I would be estatic & I'm not! I am hoping that these last few pounds will make all the difference!

Am worried I will not be able to do maintenance, as am already wanting food & don't think my appetite has shrunk that much. But feel that maintenance is essential to learning how to keep the weight off. Although food packs wasn't easy, I have a feeling maintenance might be even harder. Can anyone give me any advice on how they have found maintenance. Also do you still have to pay the same amount of money? - Thanks for your help!

Fat Friend x

Hi,
I have been reading your posts with interest. I hope you don't mind me 'butting in'.
I am about to start LL on Sun. 18th Apr. and I am quite nervous/excited and enthusiastic all at once.
Do you have any advice for the time preceding starting the group? Perhaps not so much the practical stuff, but mentally how did you prepare yourself for commencing?
You all have done so well, and I admire your bravery for sharing your worries in this forum.
Mandy-Liz

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amandadepanda
[br]Hi everyone, Helen how are things with you?

I am 2 days away from starting management officially, however it just dawned on me that that there is no point in hanging around, haven't lost an ounce in the last 2 weeks, don't know what's happening so I decided to cut it short and go back to food tomorrow rather than Wednesday...I've been racking my brain trying to find out why I am not losing any weight first I thought it was Boaters, it isn't, then thought may be the sweetener, it isn't, it's not exercise either because I stopped going for one week and no difference there , so may be it is just that my body has decided to go its own stubborn way, I am a bit miffed because these last 2 weeks I aimed at losing the last 4 pounds (the little pouch of fat hanging around my hips)...I am a size 8, 62 kilos and BMI 22 so I cannot really complain...the week I started LL I bought myself a pair of trousers from Dorothy Perkins which were size 18 because I cold not fit in any of my size 16 trousers...
Over the last 11 months I have put my life on hold, didn't do much, didn't really socialized apart from 3 or 4 times....never been able to go anywhere and watch people eat, I do admire people who can though...I'd be drooling all over people's plates with a 'hungry dog' look on my face...didn't work much, didn't have much sex either, all my energies went into reminding me to keep focused, I was never able to stick at anything before so it took a lot of energy and focus to keep this going...it really feels like stepping out of jail and a bright sunny day...all that sun in your face all these possibilities...and you wonder where to go next??? This should be a time of celebration, I feel quite elated inside, however a lot of fear surrounds the issue of going back to food for most people and I am no different...it is interesting to see how fear highjacks most of our celebratory moments...

My councillor is quite good, and very lovely however I think the management group I am going to be joining is a fleeting one, groups where people don't stay, I don't know if it's because when people get to management they're not interested in investing the time or is it because once you're in management, financially speaking it isn't interesting for councillors to have structured group sessions, whatever it is it doesn't matter really...I will keep the weight off...it is non negotiable..

I am going tomorrow to get my management instructions, if you're wondering about the process it is protein fish or chicken first 2 days once a day + 3 food packs, then you introduce leafy veggies on the third day ...

Good luck to everyone who feels like they're climbing a steep hill 'Back to food' (or is it rolling down the hill???) remind yourself of your commitment and why you did this in the first place...you can do it!!!

Lots of love
AmandadePanda
xxxx

---

Mandy-Liz,

All I can say is, stuff your face! well, that's what I did & most of the people in my group too. You are best to eat everything you might crave & get it out of your system. I know it is probably not the right thing to say, as you probably give yourself a few more pounds to lose, but it's worth it, well it worked for me!

Good luck. If you want to do it enough you will. Just think it's only 100 days & then go from there. It might be one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was deffinately the best!

Think Thin!

Fat Friend x

Helen, I agree with you, there is no miracle cure, we have to learn by trial and error and if going back on the food packs is giving you the control you need for the moment then so be it...I had my first meal this evening, fish and a glass of wine, wine was a must because it was my celebratory moment although my councillor advised against it, she said that whatever I ate I would feel full, I was very emotional, it felt really like a special experience however half an hour later I found myself becoming lost down a path I visited too often before, wondering if there was anything in the fridge worth going downstairs for...and I thought how comical, some things never really change...so there we go, when it comes to food wisdom, resolution, intelligence, understanding, all goes out of the window and I realised that I truly learned nothing, being on LL for so long doesn't really teach you how to manage the relationship with food, all I have been doing was abstaining from food which is a different matter all together...
Dear Fatfriend, I feel just the same towards my weight loss, of course I feel much better than when I was 4 stones heavier, however, to be really happy with myself I would need to lose another stone....I think we become critical with the weight loss because we have different standards and expectation on how we should look and be, at a frumpier stage it didn't really matter as long as I found trousers that fit me I would find a top that covers the bulges and everything was fine, today at size 8, I can almost wear anything I can see in the shops and that of course stretches one's ambition of what one can wear, bulging out of a size 18 trousers, is of a little consequence, bulging out of a little skimpy size 8 skirt is a fashion 'faux pas', absolute no-no...However the thing to bear in mind is that your body will look different in abstinence than it will do when you go back to food, chances are that your body will take on a different shape and you have no idea what it would be...

Mandy-liz, I will echo Fatfriend's wise words, stuff your face!!! nothing anyone can do or say will prepare you for the roller coaster on which you're about to embark, if you wanted to be sensible you'd cut down on carbs and start drinking 2 litres of water 3 days before you start so that the transition to food packs is not too painful or you can stuff your face until the end and go into it fatter with a big smile on your face. Mentally it is such an emotional and personnal experience that nothing can really prepare you, and once you're on it all you can do is take each day as it comes...happy ride!!

AmandadePanda
xxx

Amandadepanda,

I hope you enjoyed your first food, I won't say meal, as I know it is not much of a meal at first. From what I am hearing & reading it sounds as though the constant battle with our weight will go on! I guess we have learnt some things, but I think with such a restricted diet it is only natural to come off foodpacks & want to eat some of the foods you have missed for so long. I have been struggling lately, but think it gets harder nearer the end, as people are telling you that you look fine & not to get too silly etc.. etc.. it's these people though, that are messing with my head & hindering me finishing what I started. I am away at the weekend for my brother-in-laws wedding & have decided to eat, so I guess that will set me back a bit. Hopefully maintenance is not too far away... I feel like I have been on this diet forever....

Thanks everyone!
well it's Easterthe Weekend before I commit to LL, so I suppose I can have a good chocfest and then reduce the carbs over the days immediately preceding start day. Best of both worlds (I hope)
This forum is great, I'm sure it will help over the coming weeks.
Take care all.
Mandy-Liz

Amandadepanda,

Hello there. I just wanted to wish you luck on starting on the maintenance programme. I know you have worked really hard to get here and you do look fantastic, so well done!
You have such clear ideas about the problems related to food and I don't think that anyone can go through this programme without something changing - it's so drastic to live for so long without food!

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you

Happy Easter and take care
Izzy xx

Hello everyone,

I'm on day 2 and I'm really struggling with the water. The more I drink the worse I feel. I only managed about 2� litres yesterday. Does it get better?

Maria xx

Hello ladies, hope you're all doing well and keeping positive,

Fatfriend, it gets trickier in the end because your motivation is not as strong as you're in a much better place weight wise, so you start thinking why bother really, why put myself through the mill? It is when you really need to strengthen your focus and keep going, and take my word for it, food doesn't taste any better than it did before!!! Once you get back to it after the first few times, it loses its fascination..
On the topic of people telling you not to be silly...do you know a nice way of telling them to mind their own business? People get frightened when they see others making changes for the better, the same thing happened to me whilst losing the weight, people who've had health problems all their life giving me unsolicited advice about what my weight should be...I used to get quite rattled and said nothing but it did get to me, I wish I 'd told them where to get off..

Izzabel, Thank you for your nice wishes, and how are things with you? You seem a lot more at peace than in the beginning, would be interesting to hear your thoughts.

Day 4 of management, had a 'MEAL', wine and dessert, the lot and 2 pounds up this morning! No worries there, it is all part of the plan, It's called lesson 1 of learning management...the thing in life is that we start learning only when we step out of the box.
It isn't about control, it is about negotiation, everything in life is...and it is about getting real...getting real means that there isn't a single chance in the world that I am going to keep the weight off if I go back to eating the way I did before...so the question is what are the new choices...wine, alcohol is a no-no for me because 1/ wine triggers my sugar cravings, 2/ put me in such a relaxed that I cannot make the decisions that are in agreement with my goals,, so wine has to go, because every time I'll make the choice to have wine, I am making the choice to put on weight, I could get away with it once a month if I want to maintain my weight...
I am going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week, don't see that it's making much of a difference on the scales, but it's slowly toning my body (everything has gone so far south lately, it's scary!!), gives that nice healthy glow and great for deep sleep...swam yesterday and for the first time ever was not out of breath after the first lapse...

Helen hope you're doing well, there was no management group on the day I went to see my councillor, got my wires crossed perhaps, I am not even sure she is running a separate management group, I'll have to ask her again, it doesn't really matter at this point, would have been nice to have the support and carrying on understanding stuff about myself but if it's not there then I'll just have to get on with it and find my own answers...it is ultimately my responsibility and no one else's..

Good luck with making the right choices everyone,

Love and best wishes
AmandadePanda
xxx

Amandapanda, Well done you sound so positive. You are right about it being our responsibility. After going away and having a great weekend of drinking and eating, as well as laughing loads. I have come back got straight back on track using food packs only for 2 days and actually lost 2 pounds. I think for me this is going to be the way I control my weight - up and downs. But unlike the past when the weight just piles on again -I am correcting the problem immediately - well at present anyway. Seen too many people do LL and gained the weight back quickly! Really frightens me - love being this size so much.

In fact I fully take responsibility for any weight gain and, of course, delight in weight loss!!!!

I am still being very cautious i.e. no carbs even though I am allowed potatoes. Over the years have learnt that carbs and me do not mix very well so am aiming to combine all the knowledge I have learnt from being a yoyo dieter for years.

In short doing my own method of maintenance - but if it works I do not want to knock it.

Love Helen x

Hi all! I sent a post on Wednesday to the main LL members thread and just thought one part of it may also be relevant to people doing management now (so I've copied it below). I'm a returner to LL so I feel my experience of it probably is different from first timers. I just wanted to share my views and my plans for when I get to management (which may of course change over time as I'm doing it for 9 months and have only just started!) I ended up putting the 7 stone I put it back on over a 12 month period so have had a lot of time to think about how I might do things differently this time, though I know it will still be a struggle for me for the rest of my life.

Congratulations to all of you! It is such an amazing achievement to get this far and I bet you all look and feel fabulous!! I know I did when I lost my 7 stone. However, it was totally soul destroying when I put it all back on again. I know management is expensive but it's more expensive to pay however much I paid over the 6 months and then put it all back on again. Keep focused & try to get as much support from LL if you're doing management. I hope you don't mind me posting on here seeing as I'm not in management yet. Good luck everyone!

Below is part of a previous post I sent to another thread on Wed 7.4.04 -

Amandedpanda - thanks for your support. I went to my first meeting last week and I didn't feel embarrassed about it at all. After all it was a returners group so I wasn't alone!

I've just read one of your more recent posts on the maintenance thread. I think being on the diet can lull people into a false sense of security. I was on high for a lot it last time, buying new clothes, getting nice compliments, feeling more confident and sociable but it is hard to relate the real world (eating) with the LL world (not!!). It's a shame you feel you learnt nothing over the last few months. I have to say that having done the diet before for 6 months I don't feel the issues discussed are easily relatable to people who are doing the diet. I can only speak from my own experience but I felt I had it sorted, and I felt very much in control, but in reality I had no way of knowing this or even testing it out, as the only true test comes when real food is involved. Last week when we started our meeting the counsellor starting talking about choices but I said that I didn't feel that applied to me until I started management.

I know it's not just about food choices but this is why I am overweight. The emotional reaction I have to food goes away when I'm doing this diet so I can't see how counselling would help anyway (if there was any). It is hard to think about how we will deal with being around food when we are in this strange world of abstinence (it's not normal to not eat let's face it!!) I had no preparation for eating whatsoever when I starting eating after doing the diet before. It's not all emotional, there needs to be practical help.

There should in my opinion be more emphasis on support after the diet but LL are a money making organisation at the end of the day and once people are on maintenance that's not really where the money is. Also they state in their book that we pay the �45 for the foodpacks, making the counselling free. This means they don't have to provide a particularly good level of counselling, if they charged for the counselling then they would have to provide good quality counselling. I don't know what training they get but you can go into it without any previous counselling experience. I think I read somewhere it's a year in total and I bet it's not proper counselling as a lot must be about the diet. I trained for 3 years and had to do 200 hours of counselling before I could qualify so they are not counsellors in the strict sense, they are LL counsellors more to the point and representatives of LL.

I hope this isn't making you feel worse! I think you've done absolutely brilliantly and look stunning in your pictures on Yahoo. I think you may have mentioned before CBT so perhaps that's something you could look into having?

My plan is that after I have lost most of my weight I want to join Weight Watchers not really to lose weight but so that I can follow a healthy eating plan that is structured. I honestly don't think I will get to the root of my emotional response to food for some time, if ever. I know I eat to fill an emotional void but I'm tired of looking into it as I've tried to fathom it for years. I have had counselling and have gone through counselling training which is a very draining process as well and forces you to look at yourself on a deeper level. I feel that if I couldn't get to the bottom of it through all of that then maybe I never will. So I am thinking practically in terms of healthy structured eating, listening to my body i.e. eating when I am hungry only. Easier said than done, all very well me saying this when I'm not eating. My note to myself this time round on LL is that I will be the same person I was before LL as I will be after - and that means my response to food will be the same, the way I behaved when I last ate is likely to be the same behaviour I will exhibit when I return to food.

I know it's a struggle going back to food, I've been there. But it sounds like you were sensible with your fish and wine. Did you eat anything from the fridge (you said you started thinking about what else there was in there)? Anyway, we're only human so don't be too hard on yourself. I don't have any answers myself, if only, we have to find our own answers. But I do believe the support is needed when people are eating again far more than when they're dieting. Good luck!
(End of previous post dated 7.4.04)

Stay focused & have a Very Happy Easter! I know Easter's not an easy time for people watching their weight, but I know you're all determined to stay slim and gorgeous so I'm sure you will stay motivated. And don't forget, if you slip, so what? Pick yourself and start all over again as the song goes. (I'm off to have some more water (glug!!)

Love Fizzygirl xx